Close Call

I was 27 when I finally lost my virginity. In a way though I wish I had lost it 6 years before that. I was 21 and he was 34. We met at a summer job and the chemistry was instant. I felt something before we ever even spoke. He came in for an interview, I looked up, our eyes met, and he smiled at me. This may sound cliche but at that moment, the air in the room changed. I was a good girl, very naive with old fashioned values. At one point, I thought I would wait until I was married. But I had never felt such deep and intense attraction before and he made me question my decision. Our kisses did not disappoint, filled with passion and left me wanting more. So much that I went to visit him on my spring break with being open to the possibility of losing my virginity to him. However, my unpredictable, heavy flow, pre-birth control pill, PCOS period decided to show up. I went farther with him than I ever did at that time in my life, basically doing “everything but”. The next day, however, he told me he met somebody else, he felt guilty for what we did do, and that it had to end. I often wonder what would have happened if my visit were a week earlier.

The man I did lose my virginity to is a much better person. He loves me and I knew he wouldn’t break my heart. There was not that instant, smouldering chemistry though. He basically grew on me. The sex and everything leading up to it did not have that sizzle. It was more of a gradual growing together to suit each other’s needs. It did work out, we will be married 21 years this summer. And, no, while we waited until we had dated about a year, we were not married or engaged at the time, though he proposed 2 months later. I am glad I made the decision I did. I’m much happier than I would have been with the other man. Last I heard, he divorced the woman he dumped me for and he’s now on wife #3. Still I wonder sometimes what it would have been like to sleep with someone I had such physical chemistry and passion for, even knowing we would not have a future beyond that.