Human Idiosyncratic Matters and Aliens

Fellow galactic aliens of the Sombrero Galaxy

(Our astronomers call it: Messier Object 104, M104 or NGC 459)

Without your advanced technology this transmission would not be possible.

Thank you for your cooperation and assistance.

We Earthlings have given your galaxy this name due it shape

From Earth, your galactic center appears as a beautiful

Bright bulge with a Magnitude of about 9.0

My address is live from planet Earth,

Fellow Aliens,

We are located about two thirds from our Milky Way’s center,

28 million light years distant from your own galaxy

On one of its spiral arms called Orion

Ours is a spiral galaxy just like yours

Bear with me briefly please.

Being as your super technology is vastly superior to our existing science;

It is merely for Earthlings’ public record that I briefly denote the data here.

My mission has been granted and funded by NASA,

in conjunction with The Institute for Radio Telescope Communications, (IRTC)

and SETI, (Search for Extraterrestrial Intelligence)

My objective is to convey to you Idiosyncratic Data of Earth’s human species:

(Please allow me during this transmission to include questions for you to provide responses for Earth’s people at a future date.)

We the human race are a magnificent stellar breed and yet have our faults. We are the most intelligent life form on Earth despite our foibles or eccentricities. (Perhaps for sake of our human populations, you will be willing to discuss your own Alien idiosyncrasies on a later broadcast).

We are a curious race, meaning not that we aren’t peculiar looking to you, but rather we are like, Curious George, a species, we call monkeys or primates. Perhaps you have heard of what we call an idiom. There is one that goes: “curiosity killed the cat.”

The phenomenon of curiosity can have a dual effect, for either good or bad.

We have what we call evil here in our part of the universe.

(Is your race familiar with evil and its effect)?

To be curious can be dangerous, for example, if we were to be so curious so as to have made contact with you Aliens without first having ascertained your disposition; we might have theoretically placed our race in “harm’s way.”

To be curious can be beneficial, for example we have space telescopes which are capable of peering deep into interstellar regions, which is but one means by which we discovered your own galaxy. Due our intellectual curiosity, we also know that your galaxy has a massive black hole at its center.

(Could you please make note of our interest in your providing Earthlings with as much data as possible regarding said hole)?

One of our most heartfelt foibles is that we cannot eat donuts that have no holes, but we can eat the hole of the donut, whole. Perhaps if your astrophysicists provide us with a Unified Theory in Physics us humans can provide answers to why we would never eat a donut that did not have a hole.

(Aliens, are you familiar with oxymorons?}

We are a peace loving race. But we have behavioral characteristics such as dispositions toward getting angry. For example, if after a hard day of work we fail to locate our T.V. Remote, ( a device used for the transmission of radio waves), we will often “go buck,” i.e. anger displayed in various forms.

What’s worse, if we have issues in programming or technical problems and fail to receive transmissions such as sports or our favorite shows . . . “run for cover,” an idiomatic expression meaning that if you are an innocent bystander in such a situation, say an adolescent Alien in a parent Alien’s home, advice is: take shelter!

(Does your Race know what anger is?)

Our Race senses - experiences a thing called fear. Recall the example given above, the adolescent Alien takes shelter. Much of our language involves idioms, expressions not to be taken literally. In this case it means seek protection.

Fear involves anxiety, a need to recoil. It is an unpleasant phenomenon. It is hard to explain to another being, however due your superior intellect as a Race, I shall do my best to explain. Fear is the antithesis; the opposite of love.

(Does death exist in your part of the universe?)

Fear is an effect on our race involving the mind. As an example: Us humans have had many accidents involving spacecraft colliding with objects in space. You have no doubt witnessed many of our accidents. In situations like this, humans

can experience fear.

One other example: our Race mates with the opposite sex. Bear with me dear Aliens, please. It may be helpful for you to tune your intergalactic receivers to one our many available radio frequencies, whether T.V., radio, Internet, etc. Two programs in particular are entitled, “Cheaters,” or “Caught on Tape.” You will notice a wide variety of subjects, expressing all of the emotions quite graphically and vocally thus far discussed.

Perhaps these behaviors shock your Race. In light of your advanced culture I presume these types of behaviors may be considered idiosyncrasies.

Perhaps you regard these behaviors as the mere foibles of an inferior Race.

Please communicate your feelings and thoughts to our offices.

(Does your Race procreate and if so, are there any “Cheaters” in your population?)

Let me introduce one of our entertainment industry’s previously popular character actors. His Science fiction name was Spock. He appeared on a popular T.V. series called Star Trek. Google him via the IntraNet if you so desire. His actual name was Lenard Nimoy. He has died - “he passed”, (a figurative form of our peculiar speech propensity to play with words.)

(Do members of your Race die?)

Spock portrayed a human/Vulcan Hybrid role. He was a superior life species who displayed no emotion. Perhaps you can relate to him, no offense dear Aliens! (Another idiosyncrasy of us humans is that we enjoy human emotion.) Imagine how you would feel if you raved about your spaceship’s technological performance and your audience showed no emotion.)

It’s been enjoyable communicating with you Fellow Aliens. Let me conclude this telecommunications by listing a just few other common foibles plaguing humanity at present. These are only a modicum of the millions of our foibles found throughout Earth’s many cultures and countries.

(Does your planet sustain varied cultures and languages? Told you humans are curious!)

Some common Earth Idiosyncrasies, some culturally specific but no doubt completely human in nature, (subject to testing of course, i.e. testing in countries like equatorial tribes who may not be acquainted with cereals like Raisin Bran, Cheerios, Corn Flakes, etc.)

We distain soggy cereal

We do not like getting into bed with cracker crumbs between the sheets.

We find it extremely difficult, if not impossible to refrain from texting during driving, (even under threat of penalty.)

We light candles in our bathrooms for reasons other than for lighting.

Although we are mammalian in nature and possess hair as appendages, we have the “gag reflex,” (involuntary hurling stomach’s content of partially digested food product) when discovering even a single hair in our salad or food, especially if it is really long.

We have a tendency to belittle fellow humans if they are wearing their tee shirt or garment inside-out.

Even worse than the item directly above: if a fellow human exits a what we call, restroom or toilet and a fragment of toilet paper is found adhered to the heel of the shoe; belittlement of the human subject immediately ensues in the form of laughter by associates. (Do you Aliens laugh? Sorry, bit embarrassing to ask: do you use toilet paper?)

It is now time to conclude this broadcast my fellow Aliens. Please feel free to transmit any questions your Race may have in turn . . .

. . . (Does your race have foibles?) Sorry, we’re running out of time. This is probably the most interesting question I can ask you at this time since we’ve focused on humanity’s idiosyncratic tendencies.

Please share with us Aliens! Bear with me! I have about 32 seconds before we’re off the air. Is your Race capable of achieving light speed, 186,000 miles per Second? As you well know, given the distance separating your Goldilocks planet from ours; it would require 28 million Years to reach your planet!

Aliens please help us by sharing your level of scientific advancement that we might overcome our idiosyncrasies. (Do you have an Alien Dr. Phil?) . . .

How can we ever overcome the required physics and reach this speed given

Albert Einstein’s calculations expressing that as a body accelerates it continues to gain greater mass, becoming infinitely heavy, making the energy required to keep the body in motion an impossibility given our understanding of physics?

How can we ever then, expect to reach your planet even if we were to find a wormhole!

“Okay Aliens. We’re off the air with our public listeners. Please do not terminate contact. Joe, production engineer, Alice, public relations liaison, . . . Mike, our sound man . . . and others in the transmission room . . . yes, we still have an open line with the Aliens.

“Yes. Our question is: “How can we defect to your planet?”