Pain.

I held his cold – by now – hand in mine, leaving small kisses upon the delicate flesh as I knew it was the last time I would see him. My brain couldn’t fathom the very idea of his death, how could I? It was supposed to be a blood exam and then he would be home.

Now everything felt meaningless.

No one can prepare you for the death.

No one can protect you from the pain when you have to bury someone you loved so dearly.

It feels dark as the whole world has burnt down to the ground and you are the only survivor on a planet of nothing.

Alone.

Unable to see your partner of crime – as you used to joke around for years – to smell his intoxicating aroma, to feel for the last time his warm hand upon yours, the wedding ring brushing away the tear of your eyes one after one.

Who will make you laugh now?

Who will hold your hand through the bad times whispering how much he loves you?

Who will hold you in a tight hug until your tears will fade away and the world will restore again?

I held his cold – by now – hand in mine, leaving small kisses upon the delicate flesh as I knew it was the last time I would see him. My brain couldn’t fathom the very idea of his death, how could I? It was supposed to be a blood exam and then he would be home.

Now everything felt meaningless.