Thoughts

Long ago I cut myself off from the world

Yet I feel more awake than ever

I dedicate my life to the path of light, to truth, freedom, love

My grandma died

I feel nothing

I saw my dad cry for the first time ever

As they zipped up his mother’s body and carried her out of her home for the last time

I felt something then, but not much

I was busy watching

All I had was interest

I watched everyone and how they behaved

How close everyone became to one another

For awhile without even needing any booze

I felt more love than I did sadness

I guess this all happened during a strange time in my life

Everyday I feel as though I need to preserve it

I feel as though I am myself dying

My body and mind seem to be on their way out

I don’t know how to share my pain

My dad doesn’t believe my struggles

My mom thinks its because I don’t eat animals

I stopped eating them because I was sick

Still I suffer, but it’s clear now that it’s not the lack of meat that’s causing my dis-ease

My dog he couldn’t live without me

He suffers as much as I do

Why is my life so goddamn strange

I just want to leave it all, my mind included

If I must, the body can go too

I just ask for peace

This world hurts

A wounded child expected to be a brave, hard working man

A man that is expected to ‘put himself out there’

To make something of this life

To wear a suit and tie for a job interview

To grab drinks with overworked coworkers and talk about the shit show of a week we just had

To forget about the mundane struggle for two days

To indulge in food, drinks, and television

This life doesn’t make sense to me

I don’t want to be part of it