try and guess

I admire the bookworm who got straight A++'s, immersed herself in books, and developed a special talent for reading while walking while kicking boys in the shins, filling the empty holes in her life with other worlds and whimsical dreams.

I admire the leader who stood up for her friends, was outrageous and brave, a soul experiencing the world for what it truly was, for the first time in her life, through the keys of a computer.

I admire the conflicted doll in her teen years, trying to break through the mask and become who she really was, but had no idea who she really was, unable to live without the mask. She didn't know what life was beyond the mask, couldn't do it.

She continues on, to this day, trying to find a way out of the closet. But she doesn't know where the closet is, or where she is.

I know this person very well, but, in a way, not well at all.

I feel that if someone truly knew, at all times, what was going on in her brain, they would positively explode from the overload of almost EVERYTHING.

One time, she almost gave up.

She almost published that goodbye poem, almost tried to resort to the empty life she had led before, in a haze of magical words and things that could never come true.

She didn't (thank goodness).

The one she loved pulled her out of the hole, and suddenly, she could see the world again.

And then she realised, she could push through!

It's hard, she said, but reciting your own sob story isn't going to make yourself happy (well, most times).

She decided that she admired herself sometimes, and was disgusted with herself other times, but I knew that whatever happened, she would push through.

"I can choose not to experience what was happening, but rather what would happen after. Then, the journey is less painful, but the destination is less sweet. After thinking, I decided it was worth it. I was worth it. And, you know what? That was one of the best times in my life."

A girl who's been through the troubles I face, who has felt the feelings I've felt, who has given me the love I need.

This is who I admire.