Beam me up Scotty...
This is one piece of body language that is universal, and wherever you see this on the planet, you know that person is having one of those moments in life that will probably be funny later, but at the time is a combination of frustrating, exasperating, WTF and you've gotta be joking!
We all have them don't we, often when we least expect them and always when we least want them. I mean, the guy in the picture above could be feeling like that as a comment on the serious political and military foolishness that this planet seems to be addicted too. Then again, he could just be thinking, shit... I've come out without my clothes again! - who knows.
But for me, I have been having a few of these over the years thanks mainly to my mother, as she often does or says funny things, but all without meaning to be funny, which kind of makes it even more funny, if you know what I mean. She has always been like this for as long as I can remember although now in her nineties and suffering from early onset dementia the frequency has increased somewhat, which I witness all the time because I look after her. She is amazing for her age really, and she still laughs at herself when she realises what she said or did. I can't honestly say that these episodes are even related yet to her Dementia to be honest, because unless they're memory related they just tend to be her own unique brand of logic (I use the term loosely) and her sometimes very odd way of looking at the world.
I decided to share a few of these moments through my blog as a change because I would normally focus on some of the serious problems the World has, or I would choose to write about something that relates to one of my books, but I really wanted to write something a little lighter, and something that could share a smile or a laugh, so here we go.
Today I'm going to share a couple of these head slapping moments from a few years ago when, with my sisters, we had taken my mum into town to do a bit of shopping and grab a bite of lunch - a relatively normal weekend event for many families you'll agree.
After we had been in town for a couple of hours, and conscious of my mum's older legs getting tired, I asked if she fancied a coffee as I pointed to a nice little coffee shop that we were near at the time. Looking across to where I was indicating my mum said. "OK, but not there because you can't sit outside". My sisters and I exchanged knowing glances at this because of her tone of voice, which can be a bit 'sharp' at times, and our eyebrows were duly raised to each other as confirmation of the way she had indicated her choice.
"OK" I said, "No problem, I know where we can go" and set off to lead them all to another nice little coffee shop that always had tables and chairs outside. When we got there I indicated the place to mum and said. "How's this for you mum?" Looking across at the coffee shop mum said "That's more like it" and walked across the road and straight into the coffee shop. My sisters and I looked at each other a little confused, as we were all expecting her to sit at one of the tables outside of course - who wouldn't expect that... I went in after her and said "I thought you wanted to sit outside mum?" "No" she said, taking a seat at one of the tables and added, "But I like to have a choice!" She then simply set about deciding what cake she wanted with her coffee as if nothing had happened. Leaving myself and my sisters looking at each other and trying to get our brains around what had just happened... A normal mental state to find yourself in when you're with my mother, but it's one of those mental states that doesn't improve with practise
That was the first head slap of the day and whilst funny after the event and repeated to others (I'm smiling at it now as I'm typing), at the time and because of the frequency, these moments are actually far less funny that they later become.
We didn't have to wait too long for the second head slap to arrive, for as we left the coffee shop and my sisters asked if there was anything particular mum wanted to get, she announced that she wanted to get a card for June who was in Hospital. Now I am sure you're all aware that mothers across the planet seem to have a common and unique gift for mentioning people to you that you do not know, but doing so in such a way that you feel as if you should know them - know what I mean?
'June', whoever she is, was just such a case in point, and having learned from painful experience, my sisters and I decided that we wouldn't ask for more information at this point. We arrived at the card shop and helped mum find the right area of the shop. I decided to try and help mum and started looking for the sort of cards I know she generally prefers, and I found a beauty. With 'Get Well Soon' on the front, and beautiful words on the inside, I was certain of success as I handed it to her saying. "How about this one mum?" Mum took the card and looked at it carefully inside and out. Then she delivered the biggest verbal head slap of the day in the tone that all mothers can also do, which is talking to you as if you're both stupid and about ten years old.
She said in a loud voice - "She's not ill!" and handed me the card back in disgust.. and added, "I want a card that says 'You're in Hospital'", and with that she set about searching the racks of cards again!
My sisters and I waited outside the card shop and tried to work out how 'June' whoever she was, would indeed get the card mum bought and guessed the odds of the shop having a card that said 'You're in Hospital' in the first place. AS we know that, unless in a coma, most people know that they're in Hospital and indeed are ill...
There have been (and no doubt will be) many such moments and I will share more with you in the future, but I hope this made you smile and brightened up the day for you.
She's a gem bless her.
By the way, to get yourself in the right mental state to experience these head slaps as close to how I feel when they're happening, try reading them whilst listening to the theme music from the old TV series 'The Twilight Zone', as that is where I feel I am when she is doing what she does best. Here's the link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-b5aW08ivHU
Wishing you love, light and laughter
Iain Merchant