It’s not enough

I’ve washed myself hundreds of times,

I’ve scraped my skin raw,

Yet I can still feel your hands on my body

And I can feel your lips against my skin.

I tear out my hair and cry into the night

Because I can’t stand to see myself in the mirror,

Can’t stand to see your prey.

I changed the way I dressed,

I dyed my hair pink,

I did dark and striking makeup

To make myself unappealing to you.

I didn’t want to be your sweet treat.

When you told her it was my fault

And cried for his forgiveness

I spiralled.

Food was never consumed,

Bleach was not enough,

And the blade became my only friend

Because everyone else left with you.

The bottles of pills tempted me.

If one can make me better why not take them all?