Earl Meets Alice

Earl fell into the rabbit hole with Alice. For four years he had had an extreme crush on her. He loved her blond hair, blue puffy dress and its contrast with her white apron. He never expected to finally gain her attention under such bizarre circumstances.

“My name’s Earl, and I’ve had a crush on you for years.”

“and so you followed me here, you stalker?”

“No, I simply love you, is all.”

“Well, don’t just stand there, help me figure out how to get out of here!”

Earl had never had anyone expect him to help, especially under dire circumstances. the colors here were vivid. They had been on a field trip, biology class to the Monterrey Slough, high school seniors.

The charter bus had veered off the highway to avoid a pedestrian jaywalking along with his dogs. The bus tumbled into an embankment with the end result him finding himself alone in what appeared another dimension with Alice.

“What’s with the white apron?” She asked herself out loud.

“I don’t know, but I like it.” Earl confessed. It looks better on you than the outfit you wore to the Sadie Hawkins dance.”

“You are a stalker, a stalker-pervert.” “What did you put in my drink?”

“I didn’t give you a drink.”

“You must have put something in it on the bus. I was drinking gator aide. You put something in it, like a date rape drug or something. Everything is looking strange in here.

Where’s my fricking cell phone. I’m calling 911.”

“It’s okay Alice. I’m harmless. Yeah, I don’t know what’s going on either, but let’s work together and get out of here. Y’know, I’ve heard of worm holes, string theory stuff, alternate universes . . . ”

“Shut the f.....k - up Earnie!” Alice retorted.

“My name’s Earnest.”

“Whatever. I just want to get out.”

They looked above them. A small, blue hole appeared above them, about the size of a dime held at arm’s length. “We’re in some kind of shaft,” Earl confided.

“Yes, why is everything so colorful, so waxy looking?” Alice kicked at a nearby object which turned out to be a toadstool. “Did you put LSD in my drink Earl?” She asked. “Because I’m not sure I’m going to keep my sanity. I just kicked at something that turned into a polka dotted mushroom.”

“Alice, let’s walk a bit. I’ll take the lead, you follow. C’mon let’s go down that path.”

“I’m not following you anywhere, pervert.”

“Fine, but it beats stayin’ here.” Earl took a few steps to the left and stood on the threshold of a yellow fluorescent path. “OK Alice, let’s go. You can go with me, or you can stay here until you feel the drug you think I put in your drink wears off, or until you get lonely enough to follow me.”

With that he started off. “I’m gonna follow the road, there’s another light way up ahead. They say follow the light.”

“Wait up Earnie!”

“It’s Earl!”

She followed behind like an obedient dog. She was used to independence. She had a boyfriend but even he didn’t order her around. He had tried to subdue her, but she had been self reliant since 15 when her mom had thrown her out of the house. She lived with her cousins and they never told her what to do. In fact she was the alpha female and was often accused by auntie Zoe of being a black sheep. Aunt Zoe in fact was a bonafide black sheep who corrupted everyone in the household of five with drunk parties every Friday night.

“You know, I’m going to take the lead!”

“Go ahead.” Earl was used to being told what to do. Besides he thought it sexy that Alice should be so dominant.

“Just be careful.” He insisted. I’m not on drugs and neither are you. I pinched myself a while ago and it hurt.”

“You are such a fricking Nerd, Earnie!”

The strange pair, (to the outside observer, you and me), continued for hours. Along the pathway appeared many variously colored plants, none of them recognizable on Earth. They became acclimated to the landscape probably due to the fatigue of walking for so long, coupled with trauma from the bus rollover. The objects, and plants in this surreal world became commonplace adjusting their psyches to a new reality.

“I’m tired Earnie.”

“Ok,” Earl conceded, at least for now to her misnomer. “Ok, let’s camp. Here, let’s take cover under that rubber tree looking plant over there.”

“Fine. I wish you’d just get us out of here. I miss my cell phone. I miss my boyfriend, I even miss my stupid mother!”

“I don’t know what happened, I want to get outta here as much as you Alice. Maybe we’ll wake up in the morning and be back to normal.”

He secretely wished it would go further with Alice. His crush intensified. He was bewildered; he wondered abut their future. He thought, “damn, what if I’m insane, like maybe psychotic, in my own esoteric friggen mind warp. What if I wake up in a G ward padded with those cushion button things with me pounding the walls. What if someone put LSD in my drink?”

“Earnie, I’m talking to you!”

“What the . . . ” He had buried himself with dread, oblivious to Alice’s presence. “Oh wow, I’m sorry Alice.”

“What’s the matter, Earnie, you scared too now?”

“No,” He lied. “Just preoccupied. “Ok, Alice, let’s bed down under the rubber tree thing.”

“I’m not bedding down with you.”

“That’s not what I said. We just need to get some rest.”

“I’m cold.”

“I know, what do you want me to do about it. I’m not the plague, you know. I just know that to stay warm we should huddle together, but that’s out of the question for you, so you’re gonna have to figure that out for yourself.

“Earnie, I’m your responsibility, you got me into this. If you don’t man up it will go bad for you when I get off this high, and the authorities catch up with you!”

“K Alice lie down under that rubber plant and I’ll cover you with leaves.

A moon rose low on the horizon gradually rising five degrees skyward. “An hour’s gone by since Alice fell asleep,” He thought.

“Hey, what are you doing here? The voice emmanated from bushes 25 paces behind him.

“Who’s that?!”

“No, who’s you? You are the intruder.”

“I’m not here because I wanna be.”

“Then why? Because you have to be?”

“No. I, . . . we had an accident.”

“It doesn’t look to me like you’re hurt.”

“I’m not, but we’re lost.”

“What is lost.”

“Lost is not being where you should be; no one can find you; people look for you . . . ”

“You are not lost, I found you.”

“I am not where I should be.”

“You are here where you should be otherwise you would not be here.”

“Earnie, who are you talking to?”

“I don’t know Alice.”

Alice raised herself up on an elbow, “Then find out Mr.-Crush-on

-Alice, maybe you will gain some of my respect if you prove yourself.”

It was adrenaline for Earl. “Hey, c’mon out! Let’s see, are you a man or mouse?!”

“I am a rabbit.”

Out popped a rabbit holding a large timepiece; a watch.

“I’m late for an very important date.” It proclaimed.

“Pleased to meet you.”

“Earl startled himself with a sudden break of realization. “I think I know, Alice . . . rabbit hole, dimension, bus crash . . . a fricken’ rabbit . .

“Do you have a . . .

“Clock? Yes, of course.” At this the talking rabbit produced a watch.

“Could you please guide us out of this place?” Pleaded Earl. He felt anxiety, the kind that comes just before a panic attack. Yes, he had a crush on Alice, but such emotions are easily overrun by fear. The feeling of pleasant thoughts of love toward Alice had begun to dissipate. Alice was a cold fish. She reciprocated none of the flirtatious attributes he expected. He simply wanted out of this place. In fact, he would have left Alice there if it meant his escape.

“Why would you wish to leave such a beautiful place?”

“I miss being back home.”

“Ditch the girl and come with me.” said the rabbit. She walked toward Earl.

Earl was sexually transfixed, the rabbit moved as if a human female, voluptuously.

Earl experienced a crush far greater than any previously imagined with Alice. He reached out for this transformed figure anxious to place his hand in hers and be led off to sensory delights.

Earl awoke to a blinding light. He lay in intensive care. He has been hurled from a school bus window 75 feet distant from his classmates. They had been found and treated. Earl had somehow, according to authorities, crawled one quarter of a mile through dense underbrush. He had spent 13 days, 12 nights lying awaiting rescue. He remembered his broken leg but felt no physical pain. He remembered the agony of wonder; a feeling of isolation and loneliness and pangs of panic. He felt himself going over the edge of sanity. Boys playing nearby found him in a dry culvert.

“Earl, honey, you’re awake.” It was Mom, at his bedside.

Earl focused his blurred eyes upon a dim form standing next to his mother.

“Earl, can you hear me?”

“Who’s with you Mom?” He muttered.

“This lovely young lady is your nurse, Honey. She’s been taking good care of you.”