Gaslighting anybody

When I met Wade I was homeless. I didn't have my own home but I had plenty of friends so it wasn't that bad. He had an apartment on the route I took to go shopping. He was sitting on porch drinking invited me to join.

Beginning of the end. So we started hanging got along famously. ( Narcist put on the charm) it didn't take long and I was hooked. He is from Georgia ( I'm in Missouri) . His sister called needed him to do some work. He's a heavy equipment operator. So he went home. I stayed. So now we have a long distance telephone romance. He's telling me he wants to get married all that. Well I'm thinking why not. We are the same age have common life styles. So Id been widowed for like 32 years. Hadn't met anybody worth marrying.

So December 2014 we get married. Oh boy. He is not what I signed up for.

He had an addiction to finding sneaky ways to cheat on his wife. The more dangerous the better.

So my life from 2014 until 2016 was a systematic calculated premeditated effort on his part to conceal every part of his truth from me.

He met his girlfriend in Missouri. We had a big fight summer of 2015 and he took off. I had no idea where. Finally somebody told me he went back to Georgia. I had no idea it was with someone else.

We get a hold of each after three days or so. I'm like what now.

Oh your my wife I'm sending for you. Oh boy lucky me. Well this sending for me does take some time. I getting impatient. But he's getting laid. Soon enough he wires me money for a bus ticket.

Fun starts now. Unknown to me at the time he all ready has a place a whole different life with Tabby her name that's all I know is Tabby. So this is pathetic. Now here starts his brain washing and abuse not physically just mentally. He has a completely different life I know nothing about.

He comes home from work but he's not really there. He's pleasant but not connected to me. all he's doing is playing the husband until he can get back out. Some days he didn't even really go to work. His employer was his sister with the family business. They sold Georgia dirt. I'm not kidding people would drive miles to get that stuff. You know flint River Georgia red dirt. I had no idea what he was doing until he busted himself.

Now see ever since I got to Georgia I hadn't drank smoked nothing

Thought he was doing the same. His family didn't like him drinking. So I figured we were both sober. Nope not at all. So one day he says hey let's get some beer im no your sister will get mad. He's like oh who cares. So I think ok I guess a few beers won't kill me. So ok. Next thing I know he's saying let's get some"go fast" meth Hell no that's stupid besides where in the hell are you gonna just come up with some dope? Well low and behold twenty minutes later here he comes dope and all. RED FLAG I'm all no way you don't just one minute decide to get high after not doing it then all of a sudden you have the smooth hook up.

So here's where all fun begins. From July of 2015 until fall of 2016. He had this girl friend and I knew.

I figured it all out little by little. My biggest hurdle was knowing when he met her. At first I thought it was his first wife's daughter. Somebody he all ready had in Georgia. Didn't figure it out until it was over. He didn't meet her in Georgia he brought her from Missouri to Georgia.

When he left me in Missouri they went on a honeymoon to Florida. Bought her a diamond ring and everything. It's crazy. The stuff he did. So now my life is going bonkers. I told his sister about my suspicions not the boss sister his younger sister. She told other people. Oh boy that pissed him off. He can't have that story it will ruin him. So he tells me to leave get on the next bus. Boy don't they wish. But I'm scared I have no place to go. If I left Georgia. Staying there was better than the streets in Missouri. So my decision to stay was my own. But the bull shit never stopped. He's out having a yee haw time with his gf swimming doing what ever and I'm stuck at my house with nothing. But I'm doing ok didn't really understand the mind manipulation he was doing to me. Didn't start to feel that until I got away.

Ok looks like his girlfriend is getting a little tired of the he has a wife game. Now don't get me wrong she had

Just as much fun messing with my head as he did. It gave them a bound so to say.

But she must have got mad about something probably because he was on vacation got paid and bought a big bunch of drugs. He had to come home and she can't come to my house. Although I'm sure there were plenty of times she did . He starts talking to me he says there is something I have to tell you. So out comes his story but of course he denied all of ten minutes later. He's sitting there all crying saying she wants me to pay her rent. I'm not paying her rent. Funny. So now we are packing up and going back to Missouri. Of course I think she is staying in Georgia because she's from there. Nope not my luck. It turns out she actually followed us back to Missouri. Then it just keeps being stupid. We stay together all three of us. Well me him and her. Wade and I are living in a trailer his boss owns. I've been fighting with him since we got back from Georgia. All I want is some place safe to go. Like impatient it halfway house something. Because I'm stuck in the country no job no drivers license. And putting up with his crap. I fighting all the time now. Well thank God she does something or I don't know. All I do know is this he comes home says that's it pack up the stuff we are leaving. I said oh did you and the little girl friend have a fight. He said oh she's just using me.

So off we go. Only I can tell she's following us. It makes me mad but. I figure getting out is better either way. Well we finally ditch her. He gets his phone wet and I break it in half. Now we are driving we get so far and he's like well I don't have any money blah blah. We decide to go back to the town we passed. Try to get gas money some food. Stuff like that. Well that little town is where I am today without him. We stayed at a shelter for a while. This and that happened. He out if the blue decided we should go back to Georgia. We will wait for a resource for some money like about 500 dollars his boss owes him . So we get the money. Back to the town we started in. We fill up the gas tank. I set the odometer to see how many miles we get on the amount of gas. He's looking for a way to ditch me. Of course he finds. I wait all day for him to come back. Finally so now we are headed out of Missouri. I say hey let's check the odometer. Well we'll there are Just enough miles unaccounted for to go to the town the shelter was in and back.

STOP this van take me back you have been doing drugs awhenawhenthe what ever the whole time. I'm not going back I'm staying here. He eventually leaves and goes to Georgia. I get my way back to the town with the shelter. So we are officially sperated. I've been doing the best I can on my own. I have a hard time I don't have any friends. The only people I know are homeless. They all smoke dope. I get good jobs but my mental faculties really aren't the best. So my employers usually find a reason to not like me. Then I'm back to looking for a job.

And now we have this covid 19. Stuff. I try I really do. It's getting better. I have given up hope in him ever doing anything to validate the stuff he did. He say it never happened. It's strange because you don't realize how your mind becomes stuck when you have been conditioned to think say and do what somebody else is orchestrating you to do. I feel frightened because my mind hadn't been my own. Not one decision I made that wasn't of his agenda I was doing what he needed me to do so he could sneak around and lie to me.

Now I am afraid of every situation. My personality has to be brought back up. I don't know how to act. Emotions are in strict check. Don't let myself feel anything it will hurt.

Top all that off my parents passed away over the last two years. They died of natural causes. I mean they had good life's just everybody's ends. My mom was my rock. My little brother passed away January this year. That was a shock. So I just can't seem to stay on track.

I just quit my last job. Now get this the Director put a night deposit bag in my backpack then had his assistant take it out I saw the whole thing. So I denied unemployment because I quit this was before covid19

I have a telephone hearing April 3:been researching on what to expect and what I should and shouldn't do. So hopefully. Called my landlord yesterday told her I might not have the rent. I do have the rent was just trying to buy another month. She said look for another job. Ok does she read the news or watch TV. We are in a 10 people or less restriction.I really do have my head and heart in the right place I am beginning more and more to let myself experience life remember what it feels like to get excited or find some joy. I'm afraid that if I let myself feel happiness or deep joy it will come back and sting me again. But I am still trucking on. Can't or won't give up. I know it's getting better. No husband that's for sure. Ok so that's a little if my abuse. If you call it that.