No More

The wind howled in the near distance, seemingly so far from my mind. I turn frantically, blindly looking. I search for the only thing left that is important.

My precious puppy, where are you?

Sight blurred with this torrent of rain, and perhaps even tears unconsciously gushing out from my eyes. I spin around and around, my eyes sweeping over the wreckage of tattered blankets and soaked cardboards surrounding me, the things combined to form what we call home.

Called.

Forcing my eyes away, I try to focus on the task at hand. Determined to not truly lose everything today, I continued to scan for my Coco, my little Maltese.

I simply can’t.

Can’t see through this haze.

Can’t find her, the only family I have left.

Can’t not fail last thing I still love.

When I’m ready to finally give up, I spot it, a flash of soiled and matted white fur. I quicken my pace and wade through the now knee-high water, each second threatening to tear apart my mind.

At last, I reach her. Odd though, facing away, she seem to not notice me at all.

I gently hold out my arms and pull her closer.

Tentatively, I call, “Coco? Baby? Do you want a treat? Coco?”

No response. My heart drops.

“Coco???” More frantic now, I start to shake her a little.

Still nothing. I wipe my eyes hastly and turn her over to examine her eyes.

Lifeless.

Like a punch to my stomach, all the air suddenly gets knocked out my lungs, and I drop her. She disappears, under the murky water. I can’t hold in anymore. Years of emotions come tumbling out in tears. Guilt, fear, sorrow, disappoinment, and especially outrage. Outrage at our societal structure, outrage at the unfairness, and most importantly, outrage at myself, for failing, once again. Soon the anger and indiginity melts away, leaving behind only sorrow, heart-wrenching sorow.

No more, I whisper it like a prayer, no more.

I bend my knees and stare at my own distorted reflection, wishing for the dark waters to consume me. What once seemed menacing now seem like a warm embrace, beckoning.

Indulging in my desires, I take one last breath,

And sink.