Abuse as a Child

When I was younger, I dealt with mental, sexual, and physical abuse. I was neglected, and later abondoned by my ill minded mother. Both sides of my family are a bit wack. even after getting away from my mother, I still had to deal with an abusive cousin, aunt and uncle who would watch me when my father was out of town. He did not know this until I finally told him what was going on.

Usually I hear stories of how people never grew up with a father, or how their father poorly mistreated them and such. Instead it was my mother. She in a way also took my father from me when I was younger due to legal issues. She forced my father to spend every dime in court. He was making sure she didnt get custody of me.

She often locked me in a room, lied to me, left me in random places, and or with random people. She left me in bars, strips clubs, and god knows where else. She would yell, and though rarely, she would physically hurt me. It was small things, like holding me down, or cutting my hair. She once shoved her finger down my nose, hooked her finger and began pulling as hard as she could. I dont remember why she did this. Also, gross.

I was also often times neglected. I was not properly groomed or clean. -I was a young child and couldnt properly take care of myself, nor did I know how to- She would Often times ignore my horrible ear infections. The only time she would take me to the hospital is to get herself out of trouble, by using my infections as a kind of scapegoat. -I suffered from infections other then ear infections- I can remember to this day the time an ear infection got so bad, all I could do is cry is horrid pain. I was just wishing she would get fed up with my crying and take me to the hospital. I dont know what the infection was. No one really saw it except me and her. It was never treated. when I was five or six, I finally was able to get tubes put in my ear, and then later removed. I only deal with mild irritation now and itchyness. -I also know how to properly take care of my ears now-

She often left vodka around, which me thinking it was water, I would drink it. She would smoke around me, and often didnt feed me well. When she didnt want to deal with me, she left me in a room with only a tv, a crappy twin bed, and an old castle doll house with no toys. The only movies I had was "Highschool Musical," "Lost City of Atlantis," and "Fantasia." I would watch these movies so much that the tv would burn my hand when I touched it. The most upsetting part honestly, it trying to explain to a class of ass hole highschoolers why you dont want to listen to highschool musical songs, or why you dont want to watch the damn movie. Again. Why do highschoolers love that movie so much? The singing is constant. WHY. JUST WHY. YOU ARE 16-18. STOP.

I dont remember much of the sexual abuse. I can't tell if thats a curse or a blessing. A lot of what happened to me back then is supressed. Usually something tiggers a memory, which is then followed by crying and screaming, or just a full on mental break down. Anything can trigger me, and its hard to avoid these things because I dont remeber what they are.

Theres a lot more, things that effect me to this day, but it would take a long time talking about everything that happened. While these things do effect me to this day, I am also living a much better life. I have a wonderful step/adoptive family, a father who cares for me, a great new job, and my art. I do suffer from anxiety, anger issues, depression, and ADHD, but I am learning -though slowly- how to live with these issues. I am learning how to live a full happy life. I often find the idea of living a complete fullfilling life difficult. I cant marry people, I cant have intercourse, nor can I have children. Finding a job that I can work at is also difficult due to my ADHD and anxiety. But I try to remind myself that sometimes people live different lives. The most I can do is try to live my life the way I want, and the best way that I can.