The day my heart sunk to my stomach

There he lay, trying so hard to breathe. Laboring, gasping for air. All asthma medication was not working. I feared for his life, or rather that his death was near. I prayed for God to heal him, give him breath. Help him breathe, "PLEASE!!! GOD!!! Don't let him die!" As I sobbed uncontrollably.

Gasp... Wheeze...

I laid my hands upon his body. Placed my head upon his chest... Sobbing, praying, I gave up. Fine. He's yours, God. I give up, I give him to you.

Little did I know that 25 years later I would hear his sentencing. "50 years".

Once again the sobs begin, this time I'm the one gasping for breath. This time I'm the one feeling death near me. As my heart throbs fiercely. My stomach churns in agony. My ears ring in pain from that word, "guilty".

Physically I am standing tall and strong, for I am the mother of the victim. Inside, mentally, I have sunk to the floor. Thrown my hands up once again. "PLEASE GOD!!!! I give up." My spirit sinks slowly out of my body as I go numb.

Life sinks away. Life is nothing more than shifting sand in a sea of crashing waves.