This Could Be It

The night finally cooled down and the celebratory noises stopped for a while. It was just before dawn and, even though it was beginning to warm up, the group sat drunkenly around a fire, barely speaking to eachother. They could finally go out again and honestly Kennedy felt...exactly the fucking same. The young woman hadn’t in the best of places since the start of all of this. Even now, as the fire cracked melodically with the sleepy morning silence, Ken couldn’t focus on celebrating. She felt as though she had plateaued and this soundless, blue hour allowed her to ponder wildly.

She and Milo had been dating for about 5 years and as they neared their late 20’s, Kennedy was starting to think of her thirties differently than she ever had. She passed the bottle to Milo who took a good swig. “All that for nothing,” the brunette male slurred as he passed their second bottle of tequila to the male beside him and Ken. “Like...I had to work in this BULL SHIT.”

“At least you were working, dude,” Dansik hiccuped, “I said I was working from home but honestly...” Dansik hiccuped again, earning a mutual glance between the group around the fire.

“You weren’t really making any money,” they spoke simultaneously, finishing the story they’d all come to know so well.

“Damn,” Dansik groaned, running a large hand over his face. “How many times did I say that tonight?”

“At least 5,” Coraline laughed, snatching the bottle before Dansik could take another drink.

Kennedy laughed, watching the other girl take a swig from the bottle. “I did shit the exact same,” Cory went on, “Like, ain’t nobody about tell me what to do.”

“Oh my God, don’t get him started,” Kennedy tried to save the conversation, but Milo was already worked up.

For the next 5 to ten minutes, Milo went on a tangent about why improper social distancing was one of the key reasons COVID lasted as long as it did. And Naturally, Cory would argue why it was probably some fucked up conspiracy. Ken took the bottle as it went around for the second time during the argument. Still, she and Dansik sat and begrudgingly listened to the snippy exchange between the other two. “Y’all need to just calm down,” Kennedy finally interrupted, southern accent slipping through her juxtapose. “Who knows what this really was? I’m just glad it’s over.”

Her statement, as they often did, humbled the crowd. The fire crackled weakly against the silence, and the group knew their little bonfire was coming to an end. Just as the sun began to peek behind suburban tree lines, Milo nudged Ken from his lap. “I gotta pee so bad,” he mentioned to her as he slipped from the lawn chair and placed a kiss on her cheek before sneaking behind the house.

With Dansik somewhere between asleep and awake, Ken and Cory were left with only each other as it always was before the pandemic. It was quiet at first and neither of them looked at one another. Despite looking at the floor for what felt like 5 minutes, Ken offered Cory the bottle. Cory refused but broke the silence moments later. “But we can smoke?” Cory broke offered, pulling a neatly rolled blunt from behind her ear.

Kennedy perked up, tucking wild blonde hair behind a heavily pierced ear. She and Cory locked eyes for a moment and Ken couldn’t help the warmth in her face or the goosebumps on her skin, so she looked away. “Did someone say smoke?” Dansik slurred from whatever realm he sunk into.

Cory didn’t skip a beat; “Hell yeaaahhh.”

Ken felt like rolling her eyes, instead she hit the blunt as Dan passed it. “So what about you,” she asked, breath tight as she held the smoke in. “How are you gonna get back on track?”

“Well, I sold a couple of things online and released a new album,” He admitted. “I mean, locally, that’s gonna kill. Might have a gallery opening first.”

Just as Ken began to suggest areas to hold the opening, Milo returned. She stood to let him in and sat back on his lap, handing him the rolled cannabis. “I'm just glad I never caught it," he joined in smoothly. "If it weren't for 'essential workers', Kenny and I would have probably lost the house."

Tranquility overpowered the conversation again as the blunt circled the group once more. Kennedy’s eyelids felt heavy when she hit it again and she couldn’t tell if she was high, or sleepy. What she did know was that she was afraid to go to sleep tonight. This entire thing was so surreal, she wouldn’t be surprised if she woke the next morning to find that this tiny taste of regained freedom was all a dream. Everything, including the embers glowing lazily in the pit, was so silent that Ken began to wonder if she was going deaf. “Baby, you getting tired?” Milo read her mind the way he usually did.

The question warranted a yawn, though before it was mentioned Kennedy would be able to hold it back. “A little,” she sighed.

“That’s fine, I’m trashed,” Dansik slurred reaching for what was left of their session.

“So...you probably shouldn’t drive home,” Milo responded, voice level, if not a little drunken as well. He turned his attention to Cory. “You probably shouldn’t either. But you’re grown, it’s just a suggestion.”

“You right,” Cory agreed, finishing off the roach and tossing it into the embers. “I’ll meet ya’ll in there.”

“Alright,” Milo yawned, standing again with a stretch. His bones popped audibly and he made his way to Dansik. “C’mon buddy. Let’s get you on a couch.”

Dan stumbled from his chair and Milo tossed the other males’ arm over his shoulders. He lost his balance for a moment and took a moment to regain his footing. “It’s the blind leading the blind,” Kennedy chimed in with a chuckle.

She was going to go inside until she watched her friend pull a pack of Newports from the pockets of her skinny jeans. This time, the blonde did roll her eyes. “I thought you quit those disgusting things,” Kennedy complained, grabbing the bucket of sand she and Milo kept near the pit and dumping it on the tiny bit of orange peeking through the wood that kept them warm moments before.

“Shit changes,” Cory laughed with a shrug, sparking the cancer stick and exhaling into the now gray sky. “And quick too.”

Kennedy laughed lightly and shook her head. “Ain’t that the truth,” she couldn’t help but admit.

It was quiet for another moment while Kennedy mused, blue eyes watching as the other girl inhaled. “Actually...can I hit that?”

Cory’s dark brown eyes widened as she looked over at Ken. Again they locked eyes, but only for a moment before she ashed it and handed it over. Kennedy grabbed the thing and took the smoke in deeply before exhaling with a satisfied sigh. It had been so long since she hit one of these that she almost forgot how good that rush of nicotine felt. It was like a weight had been lifted from her chest. Cory lit another for herself and Kennedy secretly felt grateful that the other girl didn’t want it back. “So what about you two,” Coraline finally asked.

Kennedy hesitated, looking down at the beat up toes of her purple chucks. She didn't want to, but now was a better time than any to talk about it.“He’s just a really good guy, you know?” the blonde defended weakly. “I just want what’s best for him.”

“And you think stringing him along is best for him?”

“No, chill out-”

“What if he wanna marry you, Ken?”

Kennedy bit her pink lower lip and let her eyes fall to the ground. “He don’t think nothin’s wrong,” Cory continued, taking a puff of her cigarette, triggering Kennedy to do so as well. “Now’s the time to make changes. How long you think this is gonna be gone for? People will ALWAYS be dirty.”

Kennedy felt one of her best friends rants coming on and was about ready to finish this cigarette in one foul swoop. Still, something told her she needed to hear it. Coraline had always wanted what was best for her and Kennedy knew that. Still, she chose independence. She knew how to handle herself, but now, after quarantine with Milo, Ken wasn’t sure how to be alone. A cool breeze pushed hair from her reddening nose and flicked cherries into the wind. Her cigarette was almost gone and up until now, she hadn’t realized how unresponsive she’d been. “All I’m saying is,” Cory went on, flicking the cigarette butt into the darkness that the pit had become. “People can love each other and not be right for each other.”

The words lingered in the air for a moment, faded to a whisper and disappeared into the small wooded areas just beyond the houses. Kennedy shifted her gaze nervously from the cigarette to Cory who was closer now. They held eye contact for a long while. So long that when the birds began to chirp, Kennedy realized she’d lost track of time. “Cory,” she snapped, tossing her cigarette butt as well, coughing lightly. “I know things are stale between him and I. We’ve been together 5 years, you don’t think I know that?!”

Another breeze, but Ken felt warmer now. “I have to trust myself on this one,” she continued, matter-of-factly, “You are brilliant, Cory, and you’re absolutely right, but I know when the right time will be.”

Kennedy and Coraline had this conversation a lot during quarantine and this had been the first time she admitted aloud that Cory was right. Of course she knew, but admitting fault had always been Kennedy’s kryptonite. Cory respected the verbalization, the blonde could tell by the smile that fleeted across the other’s lips. Kennedy would let the other have this one, a smile spreading wide across her own. “I guess Savta was right,” Coraline chuckled, switching quickly to her signature impersonation of her grandmother and summoning a thick, Nigerian accent. “’de moa tings chenge te moa fe stay te same’ (The more things change, the more they stay the same)”

The two laughed and Kennedy linked arms with her best friend for the first time in months. The affects of the alcohol regained strength and the two girls couldn’t stop giggling. They staggered into the house, making more noise than intended. Kennedy would take care of whatever was broken or knocked over tomorrow, but tonight, things felt normal. So normal it would remain.