This Sword is Made for Slaying

“Is it just me, or did that police officer look a bit like a pig?” Alex whispered.

Sydney elbowed him. How could he be so disgustingly calm about this?

“Ow! What was that for?”

She glared at him and hissed, “Will you shut up!”

He rolled his eyes. “What are they gonna do, arrest us? Oh, wait, they already have!”

“I don’t know you,” she said, crossing her arms and fixating on a dust bunny in the corner of the interrogation room. The muscles in her legs itched, but she refused to fidget. She was a professional.

Alex poked her shoulder. She punched his. The door swung open with a nasty creak and a woman with steel grey hair and steely eyes to match strode in.

“I’m Detective Andrews,” she said, setting a file on the metal table. “Would you care to explain what you were doing at the abandoned fairgrounds?”

Alex opened his mouth to reply. Sydney stomped on his foot. He winced and glared at her.

Detective Andrews cleared her throat. “Why were you at the fairgrounds?” she repeated.

Sydney uncrossed her arms and rested them on the table. “We’re paranormal detectives,” she said, her voice blessedly steady.

Detective Andrews raised an elegantly plucked eyebrow. “Really.”

“Yup! Professional investigators of everything that goes bump in the night. Our specialty is spirits, but we’ll take a look at anything weird,” Alex chimed in, twisting to avoid Sydney’s elbow.

The detective sighed.

Sydney grimaced. “Please ignore him. He was dropped on his head a lot as a child. What he means is, we look into situations that seem to defy a natural explanation.” She reached into her pocket. “Here’s our business card. We’re licensed and everything.”

Detective Andrews inspected the business card. “I see,” she said. “So what were you investigating?”

“The abandoned fairgrounds.”

“Why?”

Sydney took a deep breath and interlaced her fingers. “They've been abandoned since that girl was murdered, obviously. But people still pass them, walking through the woods. And teenagers party in the woods. We heard that they might not be quite as abandoned as they should be. Considering how the girl died, and those unexplained disappearances you’ve had, we thought it might be worth checking out.”

Detective Andrews scribbled someting into her notebook. “And what did you find?”

Sydney smiled wryly. “Well, detective, we found a dead body.”

Detective Andrews glanced up, unamused. “Did you see anything else? Anyone else?”

Looking down at the table, Sydney shook her head. Detective Andrews reminded her of her third grade teacher. It wasn’t her favorite memory.

“So you found the body. Then what?” Detective Andrews prompted.

“Then we called the police,” Sydney said. “And then we waited. And then a pair of lovely policemen showed up and escorted us here.”

“You don’t we did it, do you?” Alex was smirking, the bastard. Sydney wished she could punch the smirk off his stupid face.

Detective Andrews regarded him thoughtfully. Sydney tried not to squirm. Alex’s smirk grew.

“No, I don’t,” Detective Andrews finally said. “You don’t have enough blood on your clothes, the murder weapon wasn’t on the scene, and you don’t seem to have any motive.”

Sydney couldn’t help a small sigh of relief. “So we can go?”

Detective Andrews nodded. “Stay in town for now, though. We might need to ask you some more questions.”

“Sure thing, detective!” They needed get out of here before sundown.

Detective Andrews held open the door. “Let us know if you remember anything else.”

Sydney smiled stiffly. “Yes, ma’am. Will do.” She grabbed Alex by the arm and yanked him up before he could say anything stupid.

“Goodbye, Detective Andrews! It was nice meeting you,” he called out as she dragged him through the door.

“You know that your whole punching and dragging routine just made us look more suspicious, right?” Alex said as they walked back to their car.

Sydney huffed. “Sorry that not all of us are hardened criminals.”

Alex had the nerve to laugh. “I just find it hilarious that you’ve got no problem facing a pack of werewolves, but one little detective has quaking in your boots.”

“She wasn’t that little! And I wasn’t scared of her, I just don’t wanna end up in a small town jail. Especially when there’s a rabid vampire on the loose.”

Alex raised his eyebrows.

“Shut up,” Sydney said.

“I didn’t say anything.”

“Yeah, but you were thinking,” she grumbled.

Alex grinned.

Sydney marched to the driver’s side of the car. Alex chuckled behind her.

They drove back to the campground in silence. Sydney glared resolutely at the road ahead, but she could feel Alex smirking.

The sun crowned the horizon as the RV's wheels crunched wetly over the gravel. A few enterprising droplets littered the windshield, promising a wet night.

Sydney groaned. "Perfect. Not only do we have to hunt a vampire on almost no sleep, but we've got to do it in the rain."

"Ah, cheer up. It'll be fun. You know how much you love stabbing things!" Alex said.

She rolled her eyes. "Do you ever think we should just quit? Settle down on different sides of the country, live normal lives, and never see each other again?"

He grinned. "You know you'd miss me. Besides, you'd be bored in a week. Admit, you need this. And you need me."

"I would not! Also, do you have to smile all the time? It's annoying."

His grin widened. "Someone has to balance out your grumpiness."

She crossed her arms. "I'm not grumpy!"

His face twitched as he forced his features into a serious expression. "Of course not."

She punched him, but smiled a little in spite of herself. "C'mon, it's nap time. We've got," she checked her watch, "a little over an hour before we've gotta suit up."

They crouched behind a tree at the edge of the clearing. The rusted carousel creaked eerily in the wind. Sydney's legs were beginning to cramp up from the cold. The relentless drizzle shrouded the half-collapsed tents in grey and made the lurid yellow crime scene tape glisten.

"I wonder what how long they'll look for the killer," she whispered.

Alex kept his gaze on the tents and tightened his grip on his dagger. "A while, I'd think. It's not like much else happens in this town. It's too bad for the carnies, though."

"And for all the dead people!"

"Well, yeah, them too."

A pale figure darted between the tents.

"It's here!" Sydney hissed into Alex's ear. He nodded and stepped in front of the tree.

Sydney slunk off behind a neighboring tree and flashed Alex a thumbs up. He returned it, then pricked his finger lightly on the dagger.

Something rustled behind the nearest tent, and the vampire leapt out claws first. Alex swept his leg up towards its ribs. It dodged easily, landing right beside Sydney's tree. She slid her sword between its ribs in a practiced motion. It looked down at the glinting metal hilt protruding from its chest. Sydney twisted, and it collapsed with a deflated wail.

"Feel better now?" Alex asked.

"Maybe," she replied. "I'll really feel better when we've been paid."

The cash came two nights later, delivered by a nervous teenager in a hoodie. They barely stayed long enough to count it. The town faded quietly into the darkness as they sped away, headlights glinting on the wet pavement. By the time the sun's rays summited the mountains, it was just a distant memory.