Just Thinking

I've been thinking a lot about how difficult life is for me. As a poorly-controlled bipolar, everything is just harder than it should be. Even getting up in the morning is sometimes an incredible feat. Going out is even harder. With all of the Covid-19 fears plagueing the rest of the world, I feel like everyone is suddenly getting pushed down to my level. Everyone I know is experiencing crippling anxiety and fear over the thought of venturing out for food. I get that even when there isn't an external factor causing it. Everyone I know is experiencing sleep disturbances and strange dreams when they can actually sleep. I totally get that too. Everyone I know is going through periods of increased activity which usually involves cleaning their entire apartment. That's me when I'm manic. It feels like my everyday state is similar to other peoples' natural disaster panic states. It's like I'm operating at this level of crisis constantly. Now, this isn't a perfect comparison. My symptoms are definitely more extreme than just this, but the way those around me are coping (or not) feels really similar to how I was when I was first diagnosed. In that period, when I had a hard time even believing that I was sick, I was just as lost and untethered as those I see struggling with captivity. All I can say to them is hang in there. This nightmare will end for you. Eventually.