The Elevator Scene

As an elemantary school child back in the 90s, I used to run around telling people my uncle worked on the movie You've Got Mail, until I got older and realized what an absolutely terrible movie it was.

For those of you who haven't had the privilege of seeing this topical but now anachronistic romantic comedy using 90s technology and the soothing sounds of AOL, there's a scene where the protagonist, a middle aged, "dad bod" sporting Tom Hanks, gets stuck in an elevator with his girlfriend, his doorman, and a wealthy woman, presumably of the Upper East Side. After what appears to be hours, as denoted by sweat induced frizzy hair and limbs flopping over, as if sitting itself has become exhausting, the dialogue turns to a game of "if I ever get out of here." A classic movie gambit -- have characters contemplate the future.

Tugging on moviegoers heartstrings begins immediately. The wealthy woman wants to talk to her mother again. The doorman tells a heartwarming tale of getting out of the elevator and proposing to his partner. He loves her and declares it definitively. Obviously, the audience seeing Tom with the one and only Parker Posey, who I will never hate on because her typecast East Coast attitude and dark features will always hit slightly too close to home for me, is waiting for his reaction. Does Tom feel the same about his partner? Is this his true love?

Ever irritated in a way that only New Yorkers understand, Posey's character rummages through her purse and states if she ever gets out of the elevator she's getting her eyes lasered. In an effort to hit the viewer over the head that she's a vapid narcissist, she cuts Hanks off screaming about whatever she can't find in her purse right as he says the line "If I ever get out of here..." (Spoiler Alert: Meg Ryan is also in this movie.)

We are all in our own Elevator Scene during this quarantine and playing "if I ever get out of here" with friends, family and strangers. Thankfully technology as progressed since the filming of You've Got Mail and we are playing this game via many social media and internet platforms.

What I'm most afraid of is that I'm sitting in the elevator rummaging through my purse. Granted, I have rescheduled a botox appointment already, but I'd like to think telling people that plays up the ridiculousness of it. I'm self aware of how insane I sound...sometimes. Posey's character isn't.

Nonetheless, I don't currently have a great ending to the line, "If I ever get out here." I don't have a momentous moment of professing my love or reconnecting with someone I've lost at the end of this quarantine. Maybe that's ok though.

If I ever get out of here, I'm going to hug the people I love, again. If I ever get out of here, I'm going to stop beating myself up for things that happened years ago and accept that people evolve and change, even me. If I ever get out here, I'm going to try and do a better job at articulating my feelings as compared to deflecting with humor. (Note the emphasis on try.)