a guy like my dad

When we get a flat tire in Arizona and he is tired and hungry and hot and cant get the spare on and he’s getting angry about having to buy a new tire, I make him take a break for water and canned peaches.

We sit on the side of the road in the literal middle of nowhere. In all directions, the ground shimmers in the 100 degree heat and we are both dripping with sweat. Poor Lula is panting hard, even in the shade of the car. I pour some of my water into her mouth, too tired to get a bowl. We sit in silence for a moment while he eats his peaches and I use a plastic spoon on a bruised kiwi, getting more of it on the ground than in my mouth. He stares at the spare tire resting against the car, looking too small and too black in the middle.

“Stupid people leaving nails lying in the middle of the interstate,” he mumbles, scraping the bottom of the can with a screech of the fork.

He hasn’t shaved in a few days and the stubble on his cheeks pokes out.

sometimes he is so similar to my father that it scares me, and I wonder if I should maybe end it. but one advantage to the similarity is that I know how to deal with him, from years of watching my mom.

I reach forward and turn his face towards me. “hey,” I tell him, waiting until he meets my eyes. I want to laugh, because he’s so dramatic. But I don’t, because I know he takes himself too seriously, especially right now. “This is just a thing, you know? We are gonna fix this tire and find that next camping spot. And tomorrow we’re gonna pack up our stuff and find a tire shop, and pay 60 bucks for a new tire and it wont mean anything. Okay?”

He nods, and forces a smile. But it must not be not completely forced, because he gets up, takes a drink of water, and says, “let's get this fuckin tire on,” and claps his hands.

I smile for real. Lula watches us as we count down and heave the tire onto the car, finally hearing the click as it engages. I hold up my hands for a high five when we’re done and he claps them enthusiastically.

Maybe he's not really like my dad. At least he can be happy after being down. That’s what I love about him, and also what I worry about, and groan about. But it is what it is, and I cant change him. I can just work around it and work with it to make us both happier.