one two three
one two three four five
one two three four five six seven
one two three four five six seven eight nine ten
the numbers are controlling my life
help me
i would turn this post in but it’s at 33 words and that’s not good
i don’t even like the sight of 33
thirty-three
better
but still 59 words
fifty-nine
even though thirty-three is two threes which are good
together is bad
and we can’t have that can we
i need to get to a good number
then i can sleep
but no number is a good number
and every number can always go further
and turn into a bad number
we’re at 114 which could be good if it was just 115
but it’s not
now 130 which would be good if i hadn’t added extra numbers
even though it has 13 in it
ten plus three
seems like it could be okay
but no
it’s terrible
ten and three are good apart
but together they’re terrible
and it’s 2:17 am which i hate
we need it on the hour
or 2:20
hell, even 2:22 would be better
and now we’re at 196 words
now 200
but i just can’t stop now
because 2 isn’t good enough
no
it’s too small and weak
like me
giving into the numbers that rule my life
starting on the right foot while walking
taking the right number of steps
saying the right words the right number of times
touching the wall in the right place
putting on my chapstick the right number of times
and if those thoughts come
god forbid those fucking thoughts
we can’t have those in this mind now can we
so to cleanse and tell ourself no
we have to touch the wood
and feel the dresser underneath our fingers
one two three four five times
with each hand in rapid succession
five times on each finger
like playing the piano
but as soon as i do that
the thoughts come back
and i have to do it again
that makes two
so i do it three more times
that makes five right
but it’s also 1 and then 4
neither of which are good
so we have to make it to ten
and the bad thoughts keep coming
and the tapping keeps going
and all i want to do is sleep
but when i close my eyes it happens
and 1 and 4 and 3 and 2 make ten
and ten is wonderful
but one? no
four? no
3? alright
two? no
and so we keep going
and i keep spiraling
farther and farther down into the abyss
it’s almost 2:22
which is the closest i’m going to get to a good time
and i have 460 words
i need five hundred
please
i can’t do this
i need to sleep
all i want to do is sleep
and my eyes are crying but i don’t feel a thing
fuck it’s 2:22
five hundred