There are five.

There are five at the helm of my mind, and they all have moods. Hard to categorise, and occasionally a new one turns up only once and then gone--never seen again.

There's the intellectual. He rebels against my body with his flattened chest and shortened hair, but this is how he appears. He dances along the back of conversations:

Tell them about the fact that 'Sonic the Hedgehog' is also the name of a gene, a ruthless one for malfunctions- can cause cyclopedia!

Scientifically speaking,....apOe helps digest meat.....evolution took us here randomly....there used to be giant dogs....we used to have larger brains than we do now.....the universe is constantly expanding....

Did you know...

He is the terrible choking laugh I can't control when someone is incorrect and he knows it. He always knows, even when I don't. Arrogance, is that your other name?

The tumor metastasizing between my amygdalae has many names. She licks her way around my brain in whispers, which turn to screams if I let them. She is heavy breathing and standing on the edge of the world. Her thoughts are more daring than mine. She occasionally feeds off the intellectual in order to wrap her arms tighter around me.

They're talking about you.....but it doesn't matter...nothing does....he told me how you will die soon....your imperfect body decomposing.....even the worms who eat you won't remember your name....tombstones decay....but your name is pointless to remember...you have done nothing anyway....

She has a fun nickname for me. "Mistake". She seems to know that I wasn't born to fit here on this earth. She tells me nothing matters but she brings my heart to a stop at the slightest noise. She tells me she's much better at reading facial expressions than I am.

Then there's Child. She's a screamer, a squealer of delight. She dances in the kitchen and talks to the walls. Everything matters, everything is new and fun and happy. She has a sister, Older. Older is still happy and she still delights but she is peaceful. She is lying in bed at 3 am in tandem with the silence. She's reading a book next to the one you love. She tangles with her whirlwind of a sister in my mind.

LOOK IT'S A FISH!!! LOOK LOOK LOOK HELLO FISH OH MY GOSH HE'S SO CUTE I WANT TO DANCE I'M SO HAPPY WOOOOHEEEYYYYYY!!!!

Calm, sister. Take a breath and look at the sunrise. It is beautiful in a way you cannot scream... even though you try so hard. Keep breathing this all in...can't you feel how it fills your soul?

There are smaller voices. You might call them insecurity or anger or jealousy. The last voice speaks very seldom. A deep, somehow ancient voice that silences all the others. Immune to even the tumor, the fear. I have only ever heard it say three words. It speaks them through my mouth once in a blue moon.

I love you.