On Lack of Support, the Reality of Emotion, and Momentary Maintenance
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This post is from a public Mental Health board. OP describes their Mother as initially supportive of their mental health issues, yet dismissive when they open up about the more disturbing aspects of their mental states. They’re normal day to day attidude is rather quiet and seemingly normal; which is why they believe their Mother ignores their cries for help.
They believe they are depressed, with a mild case of ADHD, but have no financial means for seeking psychiatric care, nor will the Mother consider getting them evaluated. They have come to consider their last resorts to ease the pain; drugs, alcohol, even suicide. Others on this message board have advised them to leave their toxic environment, however they are still a minor. They wish to leave, but are struggling to survive the wait.
What they are most afraid of is if they are faking these feelings and thoughts. They worry that they have the wrong idea about themselves, and that what they’ve been bottling up for so long has no real meaning or validity. They wonder if it’s just a phase and not worth seeking help at all, and that their parents are right to ignore them.
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You’re definitely in the right lane- looking for help online. There is a lot of ways to get help without having to go anywhere, and not all of it costs money. Just talking to a community of strangers can be therapeutic, and free!
But that doesn’t mean it will work %100 . Its only one component in the daily maintenance of living with mental illness. Just remember not to give out private info if you end up making a friend. Once you can legally make decisions for yourself, you can remove yourself from the toxic environment, and from there - find the proper medical assistance. There is therapy available without cost, but there is usually a waiting list.
Moving ahead; know that thoughts of suicide or substance abuse are normal when dealing with mental illness. Do not fall into the trap of believing it’s ‘wrong’ or ‘weak’ or ‘unreasonable’ to have these thoughts or feelings. The people in your life who aren’t willing to accept or understand mental illness will never be convinced until they experience it outside of their household. Because you’re young, parents often believe they know best about what you are going through.
Just know that this isn’t true; they can help you not starve to death and keep you hygenic, make sure you don’t get kidnapped - so in your case, let that be the extent of their responsibility. When they want to tell you how you feel or what you should to about it, just agree and move on. They won’t understand, but you can find the people that will.
About the idea that what you feel isn’t real; There’s nothing to fake! The idea that the brain is a perfect instrument without flaw is ridiculous.
There is a spectrum of intensity encapsulating all emotion; some so intense that those experiencing it are considered severely ill and placed in institutions for the safety of themselves and others. Some are just basic emotional occurrences that all people feel.
It’s all within range of the reality of being human. What you feel is real, but as a race, we aren’t advanced enough to understand, let alone accept, each degree of the spectrum. In our ignorance, we can easily assume it’s the worst case scenario in the same way our parents would assume it’s not real.
So be weary moving ahead that you do not adapt an understanding that is equally taxing. The idea that you are incurable or not treatable can be just as damaging as never being sure if there is something to treat.
Another thing I would suggest is keeping a detailed log of how you feel. the things you try and explain to your mom - write it down instead, and you will have something for a doctor to review once you get to that stage.
The body has other ways to shift emotional and mental states in the moment. Something as simple as 2 minutes of stretching can help get more oxygen to your brain and help relieve stress in the moment. 30 Seconds of Deep Breathing can help in recovering from intense emotional states in the moment as well.
If you absolutely must take something to ease your pain, take the most holistic approach possible; tea and herbs, Chamomile, Valerian Root, Ginko Biloba --- try to get some vitamins too; a b-complex and iron supplement. Basic nutrients that many of us don’t get enough of in our diet.
These are great for brain health, and physical health. You can make it seem like you need them for your physical health; perhaps you’ve “taken an interest in nutrition and physical health,” - something that your legal guardians might not be immediately dismissive towards; putting that veil on can be a way to still get support from those around you.
There are ways to apply a physical treatment to mental issues, and perhaps if you lean into that, your guardians will support it - maybe a yoga class! Just keep the mental benefits to yourself; they have no business sharing your joy anyway.
About the more illicit sunstances; there is no alcohol or drug that will make any of it feel better, trust me I’ve tried for years. I have gone untreated for a long time because I wanted to believe when my parents said there was nothing wrong with me. And now have severe physical symptoms from the years of stress, insomnia, depression, malnutrition, and lack of support.
If you HAVE to take the substance route and are completely unable to get evaluated by a doctor and get prescribed medication - consider only Microdosing with cannabis.
Understand that this is a last resort method to keep yourself from ending up in the hospital or worse. and have faith that a very small amount will do wonders. It won’t be an immediate solution, as you must treat it like any other medicine. The intention is not to flood your body with THC- Its to compensate for the lack of Seratonin being released naturally.
However, again - I must urge you to consider otherwise, and try safer methods first. This method has worked for some, but it does not work for everyone. It may make matters worse...
Lastly; About your parents... The hardest part about this is finding people who won’t dismiss you, and who will listen to your needs. Unfortunately, YOU are going to be one of the only people listening, hour to hour. So give your effort into helping yourself, and finding those who understand.
Those closest to you... the family you are born into... they’re not necessarily the right people for you. You must decide that they are not the people who will influence your life, especially if their effort only serves to discourage your truth.