Dear Human...from the monster not under your bed.

Why are we scared of monsters under our beds? There is barely any room under there. If underneath your bed is anything like mine, it's filled with all the crap left over from hurried attempts at cleaning one's room, bits of tape, the special pens you forgot you were looking for, and a lingering smell like dust and carpet cleaner though you can't remember the last time you actually cleaned your carpet. Monsters don't sleep under your bed for the same reason you don't.

They sleep on your bed.

You've never noticed them? Hah, guess you were too busying looking in the wrong spot. They're right there on your pillow. If you just opened your eyes you would see them. Ever come back from school and seen a strange hair on your pillow or lied down in bed only to find out it is already warm. No? Maybe you haven't. Maybe there is not a monster in your bedroom. Or maybe they are just good at hiding, there are lots of good places they could hide in your bedroom.

All those cracks and corners. They would not hide under your bed. Have you ever played hide and seek, it's a stupid hiding place. It's like the skinny person equivalent of hiding behind the door.

Stop looking under your bed for monsters. They have standards too, you know, your mattress with its creaky springs and sheets you were supposed to wash last week is still much more comfortable than under there.

If you want to stay away from monsters, you really shouldn't be sleeping on your bed. That’s the first place there are going to go. If you want to stay away from monsters don’t sleep there. There’s somewhere else you can go, someone where no monster ever would.

Can you guess where I'm thinking?