Dear Great Great Great Grandmother,

Did I ever cross your mind? Did you ever think about the legacy you’d create when you were alive? I’m sure you worked hard to ensure you’re family had a future. I am your future, yet I know so little about you. Is it bad that the thought of you hadn’t crossed my mind until today? I’m sorry I had to make you wait. Now, I find myself daydreaming about your history. I’d ask my father to tell me something, but I don’t want to just yet. After all, he wouldn’t tell me what I want to know. Were you happy? I know your marriage was probably arranged and you probably worked at home, but maybe it fulfilled you. I like to imagine you were a good mother, one who was fiercely protective of her kids. I feel the same way sometimes, even though I’m not a mother yet. Maybe I get that fire from you? Were you crafty and good with your hands? I’m not, but my younger sister is and I’m sure you’d like her. I can’t find your history like others find theirs. Ancestry.com does not reveal the life of India as much as I would like it to.

I know your story is not limited to your land or last name. I wonder if one of my great great great grandchildren will think of me and look for the writings I’ve left behind. What would they think? Would I feel foreign to them, or would they relate to me? I hope one of them would. Maybe you were a writer too Nani. Of course, I would not be able to read whatever you’ve left for me. You see, I have strayed far from where you’d hoped I’d be. I cannot read Telugu or Sanskrit or Hindi. Words from the former may occasionally find their way onto my tounge, but they are bent when I speak them aloud. If I went back in time I wouldn’t even be able to talk to you. How silly is that? Still, I hope my words written here carry a spirit of their own and you’ll understand their meaning wherever you are.

Nanamma, maybe you were exactly like me, feeling displaced from the rest of you’re family. I wish I could seek your guidance on it because I don’t know what to do. After 17 years of avoiding my culture and history, I find myself longing to know more about it, more about you. I know it must have been a while since you’ve had mourners, but as I write this letter I can’t help but grieve. Even though I’ve never met you, even though I don’t know your name, you gave up so much to give me a future. Nanamma are you proud of me? No one has ever been proud of me before. Are you looking over me? I am sure you have much more interesting descendants to watch over, but at this moment could you spare a glance, please? I’m sorry Nani for not thinking of you sooner. I know more likely than not you’re disappointed. Don’t worry, your grandchildren are too. I know I am not India’s favorite daughter, but I’d like to think your different. I’d like to think you’re frowning at your grandchildren right now and telling them ‘don’t be so hard on Vee’. I Imagine your spirit coming down and me taking comfort in its embrace. I miss you, Nani, even though before today I didn’t know what you were to me.

Your Great Great Great Granddaughter,

Vee