Nintendo Nights

My mom got a boyfriend when I was around 5 years old.

We'd been living with my grandmother, who watched me while my mom finished school and worked the drive-thru at McDonald's to support us. I don't remember seeing her much those days; the few times I did she was tired.

She met a guy at college, and he started coming around to visit. I remember him being really, really tall (to be fair I was really, really short) with geeky glasses and a soft-spoken demeanor. Later on my mom would tell me he was a teaching assistant for her physics class, by which she meant he was really smart but a bit socially awkward.

He had a motorcycle, which did seem cool for a geek. He would work on it in the driveway, and fixing it up seemed more exciting to him than actually riding it. I remember coming out to watch him while he patiently explained what he was doing, none of which I understood at that age. Later on my mom would tell me he hadn't ever wanted children; he didn't think he could handle them. Unfortunately there was no choice - I was already there.

We all went on a hike one day, packing our backpacks up with snacks and an old-school boombox with kid songs on tape (yes, I'm that old). Apparently he loved hiking, but had worried a little kid couldn't keep up. My mom was a very stubborn woman and had insisted, "No, we will - just watch." I sang most of the way and made it the entire trail roundtrip, jumping into the river a few times to splash about until my mom hauled me out and toweled me off. Later on my mom would tell me I had behaved really well, considering I didn't wander off the trail into the poison oak and kept up the entire way without crying or needing carried.

I got my first Nintendo Entertainment System one summer for my birthday. It came with a few basic games - including Super Mario Brothers, which tested my developing hand-eye coordination as well as my patience. I remember staying up with the setting sun, trying to get past levels and burning through lives like tissue paper. Eventually my mother's boyfriend would sit next to me, watching me play and offering helpful hints until I would get frustrated and hand off the controller. Then I would watch him play, noting how he moved and jumped while pointing out hazards to him as they appeared on the screen. Later on my mom would tell me the two of us seemed to be lost in our own world on those evenings.

I don't remember the engagement, I only remember the wedding. We had it in the same church we always went to on Sundays just dressed up nicer, with lots of food. I got a major headache that morning, and they tried to help me through it but it knocked me out until the final ceremony. I sort of understood what was happening, but my young mind didn't really care. Later on my mom would tell me she worried my headache was some sort of sign that she was making a mistake but the day proceeded anyway.

One day both my mom and her new husband met me at school to walk me home. This rarely happened, since usually my mother would come alone instead. She had graduated and quit her job now, so showed up more regularly to see me. They explained as we walked that they'd gotten approval for my adoption; my mom's new geek was now legally my dad. I'd have to change my last name, and they'd already told the school and my teachers so I could start using it in class. I wasn't thrilled about the last name. I only remember thinking about that the whole walk home, how ugly it was and how much kids would tease me for it. Later on my mom would tell me when they had asked how I felt that I had just shrugged and said, "Okay. He's my dad anyway, right?"

My mother had three more children with this man. We never used the words "step" or "half" in our home, and my siblings would grow up to be high schoolers before they actually put the pieces together. My quiet, single childhood would be irrevocably changed by these crying, clingy little midgets and I would be forced to learn empathy and responsibility as my mother constantly nagged me not to treat them like aliens. Later on my mother would tell me she felt a bit guilty that I became a built-in babysitter, but such is the reality for older sibs.

As I grew up I had to share the Nintendo more, but for those first few years while my siblings were teething I had it mostly to myself. Well, me and dad. We still stayed up late at night trying to beat Mario Brothers 2 and 3 now. Mom would only permit me to stay up late if we played together, so it was a handy excuse to miss bedtime. When I reached age 12 I had to start wearing glasses; people used to remark how much I looked like my father and I would just smile. A few years later we'd spend hours sitting at the kitchen table as he used college level calculus to solve my middle school algebra problems, all while quietly driving me insane. Later on my mom would wonder whether my father had married her, or had just showed up to be my dad. Unfortunately, since I was always around, he never got the chance to be just a husband.

Nowadays whenever I have to answer medical questions for my aging body I have to admit that, technically speaking, he isn't my "DNA donor" so his medical history doesn't help me. But the title of "Dad" still sticks. Because for all those years that man put in, beating bosses, fixing bikes, and helping with homework, he earned it. Later on my mom could have him to herself for a change, but for all those years he was the Dad me - and my siblings - could always count on.

And still do.

~ Happy Father's Day, to the all the Nintendo dads, math papas, and motorhead pops who volunteered for their first combat missions without any basic training.

And to all the stepdad's, half-dad's, and mixed families out there who realize that love is thicker than water.