Was It Worth It?

I twist the ring around my finger, something I do when I’m thinking, or to calm myself down. I can feel the tension gathering in my neck, up and down my spine. Thoughts play tag, my mind a frenzy. I look down at my shoes. Stunning little things, they make my legs look great. I look up at you, sitting across from me. You don’t make me feel great.

My fingers grip the table between us. I take in your appearance. No shirt, smooth chest. Hands wrapped around a half full coffee mug. Stubble brushed across your chin. Full lips pulled down at the corners. Tired brown eyes staring at the table. Tousled hair. Bed hair. But not from our bed.

I take in a deep breath, feeling it make its way to the depths of my lungs. I force it out. I tear my eyes away from you, stopping the tears before they surface. I don’t cry. I loved this apartment. Amazing kitchen, spacious rooms, beautiful art on the walls. I looked at you again. Something else I loved. Two things I can’t love anymore.

“I’ll be moved out by Friday. I’ll be staying at a friend’s until then.” I say the words with conviction. His eyes meet mine. He responds only with a small nod. I fiddle with my ring more. But this time, it’s because I’m slipping it off my finger. I slide it to the middle of the table. “Here.”

I scoot my chair back and stand. Your eyes haven’t left mine. I smooth my dress and turn towards the door, not bothering to push in the chair. My walk is steady but slow. With one hand around the door knob, I turn my head over my shoulder, and meet your eyes again.

“Was it worth it?” The words are bullets and I know it. And they hit him. His eyes are sad. He deserves it, though. It was bad enough that he cheated, but he cheated with her - the girl I'd grown up with. I twist the knob and cross the threshold, leaving my sister's apartment.