You Just Can’t Win......

The Covid 19 virus continues to wreak havoc through our communities and everyone is being asked to wear masks when they are outside, whatever their reason.

Shopping has now been allowed providing masks are worn and social distancing is adhered to, that is unless you want to go into the Nike shop in London that is! (Google it)

Soooo, with all this in mind, I thought I would treat my three year old son to a gift as he had been unwell for a month or so and needed a treat to cheer him up during his recovery. So whilst I was out buying him his gift, I could also take care of a few things on the financial side at the same time.

I went into “The Julian Race Luxury Vintage Toy Emporium” a double fronted shop, double fronted due to the length of the name, and purchased a plastic “Johnny Seven” an all singing all dancing ”vintage” toy army rifle that my son had plagued me for and wanted desperately.

It was my own fault the the little imp was pestering me for it as I had shown him a picture of one that I had owned back in the 1960’s. Despite my reservations regarding guns, even toy ones and children, I had decided to buy it him.

The “Johnny Seven” was a tadge cumbersome and the box that it was supplied in was clearly inadequate so asked the shop assistant to remove and dispose of it for me.

When I paid, using the socially distancing tap and go method, the payment was declined so had to resort to the filthy germ ridden cash method as used widely B.C. (Before Covid)

As I left the shop, I knew my son would be over the moon with his present as people in the street were turning round and looking at the gift with both surprise and envy.

With my mask firmly in place and the Johnny Seven under my arm, I walked through the double doors of the Worditch Bank to sort out the tap and I'm sorry payment declined card.

Within seconds I was wrestled to the floor and several non - socially distancing bank security guards were sitting on my head and back. One of the bastards even kicked my son’s Johnny Seven across the floor where another security guard pointed his own Johnny Seven at it and told it not to move or he would blow it's fu@*ing head off!

A few minutes later, the police arrived and I was taken, handcuffed into a socially distanced room. Once I had composed myself I asked what the hell was going on and was asked what the hell I was doing walking into a bank with a mask on and a rifle under my arm!

It took some time to plead my case before I was finally released but only after the bank manager agreed that a statement had been issued that all customers should wear masks when coming into the bank.

It’s funny when you think about it though; who the hell would have thought a bank would be telling us to wear a mask when going into a bank!

My, how times have changed!

©Julian Race – 16/06/2020