People Watcher

Lily was there again. She was back there in the same seat watching people come and go. Getting there required a 30-minute drive and she had nothing to buy, but that didn’t stop her from coming. When books and television weren’t enough she sought out other people’s stories. She sits quietly in the busy mall, sometimes nursing a beverage other times pretending to listen to music. She does whatever she can to look inconspicuous, to blend into the scene. Luckily for her, it isn’t too difficult. Her younger sister is an art prodigy, her older sister is married with kids and her best friend is at Yale studying mathematics. They all have some type of gold star to show for their efforts in life. As for her, no one knows. No one cares. Her parents are too busy with their more successful daughters and beside her best friend, no one even calls to check in on her. She doesn’t have a degree or a husband, and her job at the bank isn’t very glamorous. She’s 26 now and at this point in her life, she just wants to settle down. She’s never been great in the love department like her older sister, but she’s always loved kids. Her future right now is as uncertain as it ever was, but that doesn’t matter here. Here, among the busy crowds, she listens and observes. She takes note of the body language, conversations, and shopping bags. For a few hours, she allows herself to ignore her own life and pay attention to the more interesting people around her.

Right now, she is focused on a pregnant woman carrying two large H&M bags. Economical. She’s talking to a man. Her husband? No neither of them are wearing rings. Her partner? No, that’s not the case the body language is wrong. They seem friendly, but they are careful around each other, guarded. Ex-Lover Lily notes. The woman is clearly exhausted, she walks with an arched back and her hands are pressed into her sides. After waddling for a little bit, she finds her way over to a table and takes a seat, letting out an audible sigh as shifts her weight onto the chair. Lily is no stranger to pregnancy. At one point she wanted to become an obstetrician, but she quit on that dream long ago. She also helped her older sister throughout her two pregnancies. At 32, the woman has 3 kids: a daughter, and twin boys. Lily herself is not that lucky. She hugs her stomach and tries to imagine what the woman sitting across from her must be feeling. Obviously uncomfortable, but perhaps excited. She clutches her stomach a little tighter imagining what it must feel like to hold a human inside you then all of a sudden let’s go. She remembers what caused her downward spiral, why she dropped out of college. She won’t be able to ever feel the joys of pregnancy like her sister and the woman in front of her. She remembers what the doctor told her. No matter how much she wishes otherwise, she is barren.