I slept

Wind rushed past me, cutting at my cheeks like a thousand daggers as the sky distanced itself from me. I didn’t flail about in the air, instead, I hugged myself tightly around my chest and curled myself into a ball, my heart hammering against my ribcage.

Then, I landed.

A pang of pain shot through me. A blast of chill crawled up my spine.

I could feel the agony and warmth leaving my shattered body, fading and fading away. Nice.

“Issy! No, no, Issy!” A distant figure sprinted toward me, stumbling and tripping along the way, “Why are you so stupid?”

My dad.

I could see his bloodshot eyes, chapped and quivering lips, matted hair, and sweat along his hairline.

I’ve never seen him lose his cool like this before.

He fumbled around his body, hands shaking when he finally took hold of his phone. He called the emergency line, explaining things incoherently with eyes still fixated on my face. After he hang up, he threw his phone onto the ground and extended his arms to hug me. His face contorted in distress when he finally realized that there is not a place of my broken body he could touch without further hurting me.

I parted my lips say something, but as soon as I did that, a surge of warmth rushed out of my mouth, filling my nose with the stink of rust.

“No, stay put, Issy, don’t try to talk!” My dad bent down and whispered in my ears, his voice hoarse with desperation, “Don’t sleep, please, I need you!”

I knew I would leave very soon, for I already could not feel the presence of my body. It was like my crushed body was merely a temporary container for my lingering thoughts.

Tears filled dad’s eyes as he yelled for me to stay awake.

I’ve never seen him cry.

I wanted to hug him, to comfort him, but I could no longer move a single finger. I couldn’t even talk. The only thing I could do was to stare at him with my empty eyes, trying to apologize without words.

“Issy, I don’t care why you did it, I just want you to live now, you get it?” My dad banged his fist at the ground frantically, shouting for me to hear, “Just hang on for a minute!”

It’s so cold, so very cold.

My vision became blurrier and blurrier and my ears buzzed, making me giddy.

It’s time now, time to leave. I smiled to myself internally. Finally.

My eyes were dilating as my dad pulled fistfuls of his hair out.

I’m very sorry, dad, but I had no choice. Thanks for everything though.

I could no longer see. My vision a haze of grey.

I heard the man’s croak floating to me as if from afar, “Stay awake, honey! Just a minute!”

I was hanging by the brink of consciousness like a person hanging on the edge of a cliff by one finger. One slip meant falling into the darkness.

Fatigue loomed over me, my eyelids drooping.

I was tired of hanging on, tired of lingering in pain, tired of suffering in misery in this filthy world.

Goodbye, dad.

And I let go.

“Please!” The word echoed in my ears, though I could no longer hear it.

I slept to be never wakened.