An Elegant Solution to the Energy Crisis

People of the World, I bring the solution. For years we’ve suffered the high cost of power, unreliable energy and politicians who prefer to wrangle rather than cause our toasters to toast economically. No longer. Where once a contributor to greenhouse emissions, now a poetry in energy. I offer the methane grabber.

A small sacrifice to be made by us and one minor issue to resolve. The repository, the collection stations for this game-changer will need special protection, possibly a battalion, for infiltration by a group harbouring nasty intentions will have dramatic ramifications, too horrible to contemplate, to the point where, if the worst were to happen, my name would live uncomfortably beside Mr. Oppenheimer. For it would take but a match from an ill intentioned individual and all those connected would at the very least suffer a fate our man Johnny Cash so eloquently crooned on. At the worst, a hundred people, more, launched skywards, propelled by their own processed gastrics.

Hyper-concentrated food will fill our supermarket shelves and ingestion will in minutes bring a torrent of gaseous activity. Our time in the Energy Gathering Salon over in a few shakes, our duty to the nation discharged in the length of a four minute pop song. I envision the propagation of high energy methane forming shops, stalls, syncopated with our metabolisms, a super Hi-M shake producing nuclear eruptions in a precisely measured time. A new industry is born.

Hi-M shake, human processes, methane grabber (the key to it all), repository, turbine, energy, cheap toast. It’s that simple.

People of the World, harness your energy.