modern greek tragedy

“That fits you perfectly.”

That’s what my half-drunk aunt said as I walked out of my room wearing a crimson dress that stopped just above the knee, the security tag still attached. I hadn’t put it on since the day I got it, given to me by your oldest sister when I was looking through her closet trying to find a prom dress.

It really is a pretty thing, dappled with pale pink flowers, several elastic straps crossing in the back, a bit of tulle at the bottom so that it puffed out. I put my hair up quickly in a bun, the twists held up by a purple scrunchie you gave me months ago.

“That’d be cute with some sneakers too.”

In my room again, I forced my bare feet into the nicest pair of sneakers I had without untying the laces, ones with cherries and a butterfly carefully embroidered on the side. Staring into the mirror with 1996 by The Wombats blasting in my ears, I almost felt it. The necklace you gave me hung just underneath the neckline of the dress. The spearmint gum in my mouth suddenly tasted bitter.

It felt like another life.

Running away from a good friend’s house, leaving behind a birthday party we didn’t even want to go to. Hopping on a skateboard and going down a hill way too fast, side by side. Sneaking back in through my bedroom window and blasting music that usually meant too much but meant nothing at all tonight. Never really being that happy, everyone knows that only happens in the movies, but maybe if we wait it out everything will be okay in the end. Neither of us had any money or trust or makeup or coffee, but we had each other, at least until it’s time to go.

I grabbed my hairbrush and mouthed the words to the song to my reflection, a picture of the universe I’ve been wishing for.

My baby hairs fought their way out of my bun, my head getting messier with every jump that shook the floors as my shoes hit the dirty wood. I played the drums in the air around me, the drums that hurt my ears with every downbeat.

We kiss with one eye on our T.V. set,

And the more I give, the less I get,

Needing fairground rides just to spark a smile,

There’s little here to miss,

Bring back 1996

Every word was a new punch to the stomach. My shirt from yesterday still smelled like weed.

In reality, we haven’t talked since the day I told you everything. The only thing you said when I wrote you a long paragraph wishing you a happy birthday was thank you. I really do hate change, you know.

So hard to beat those teenage kicks,

Bring back 1996

I fucking hate knowing things will never be the same again. It’s so easy to do something that will make sure things are never the same again. You don’t even realize until the damage is done.

I don’t know how to fix this. I started writing you a letter the other day and all I managed to get out was your name. You always hated your name.

I sat down on my bed, the dress puffing up around me. I feel sick.

In another life, I know I’m alright. This one’s okay if you don’t think too hard.

It’s wrong but surely worse to leave

The drums are faster now.

“How fitting there are no stars in the sky tonight.”

God I wanna get out of here.

I miss you. I’ll be waiting for you for as long as you need, darling. The world can be ours again, the nights can be clear. You don’t deserve me but I promise you can always come back. This just wasn’t how I meant for it all to go. You don’t even have to look at me the same, just looking is enough, I guess.

Is it time to go, my love?

How long did it take to lose your best friend?