Why I usually look like a serial killer

I woke on the wrong side of the bed,

Quite literally actually, 

But i've decided the bed was on the wrong side of me,

Because it is only fair i get a win,

Not everything gets to be my fault,

The heater in my room was all the way down to ten degrees,

So as the blankets went off,

Antarctica decided to come in,

Why the visit today??

Of all days…

I just knew something was going to come next,

And im quite sure im a physic because the water running in the was ice cold,

Apparently the water heater wasn't working,

And all I kept thinking was “ohhh my lucky day!!”.

After hopping up and down in attempt to make myself a human popsicle,

I was finally done swimming with the penguins,

I can't get much worse i said to myself,

That was my mistake,

It could get much worse,

It always gets much worse,

Next, clothes…..

Clothes?? 

Ohh noo!!! Clothes,

Clothes that are still wet in the washing machine!!

Now i thought, “why am i so dumb???”.

And in my old hand-me-down jacket, zipped right up to my neck,

And the most awkward shorts ever,

I did that little tiptoe run you do when your afraid of being caught,

Zipping past all the doors in the corridor to get to the laundry room,

And wait for it..,

LOCKED!!

It was locked!!

I let out my famous strangled noise and refrained from kicking down the door,

“No, no violence does not solve your problems” i reminded myself,

i could only control my temper so much,

So i stomped back into my room, too angry to tiptoe anyways,

Now i look back i probably had smoke coming out of my ears.

Then it struck me,

I had my backups,

I always had that back up uniform for days like this,

Yes, yes, yes!!!

Then just as i slid on the uniform,

The universe decided it hated me,

No it decided it utterly despised me,

And so i know it was the universe that sent fate, no karma,

It sent karma at it's best to mess with me,

And so karma took it's bony fingers, which was in terrible need for a manicure i must say,

And gave me that dramatic push,

I slipped,

Fell,

and smashed my cream open,

Which took revenge by conveniently spreading its content all over my white shirt,

@@!!#@%!!!!!!!

The part that hurt so much was the fact that karma was meant to be my friend,

I was so enraged,

I wasn't speaking english anymore.

I stood up to asses the damage, 

It wasn't fixable,

Somehow i decided that the wall of my room had to pay for the mess that was my life,

And i drove my knuckles into the wall,

The bang echoed through my room,

I would imagine the people in the next room heard it too.

I wont say that it didn't help,

The sound of the collision,

The dent in the wall,

The tingling pain in my knuckles,

It did make me feel better for a split second,

But then i realized the “tingling in my knuckles”

was knuckles were throbbing and bleeding,

Which was fantastic,

One more reason to smile, isn't that right.

See there was a reason i did not punch things and threw or broke them instead,

My knuckles aren't four like a normal person

I have three knuckles on my right hand and two on my left,

Making the pain balance of a punch really unequal,

It was a weird quality i had come to accept,

But thats not the point,

The point was,

I didnt want to go out looking like i just came fresh from a murder scene,

Now what? i thought,

Holding my bloody hand away from from my already stained white shirt,

I decided i wasn't gonna be dracula anytime soon,

So, under my jackfrost water my hand went,

I didn't want to use the bandages i had under the sink i had for “emergencies”,

So with tissue and tape,

I was finally ready to depart,

So i said goodbye to antarctica and left my igloo,

I walked and i walked,

And my feet suddenly felt cold,

And lo and behold,

I was wearing flip flops,

UGHHHHH!!!

I'll be right backkkk…………