Guy Hamilton: Private Eye - The Teddy Bear

CAST (in order of appearance):

NARRATOR

GUY

HENRY

MR. COOPER

THIEF

MRS. WILLIAMS

NARRATOR: Guy Hamilton, once an and coming police detective, has been thrown off the force by crooked cops, but this could not quench is believe in the immutable word of the law. Now he offers justice for those the law has forgotten in his quest to restore integrity to the force and expose those who would disgrace the badge. These are the adventures of Guy Hamilton: Private Eye.

(SFX: DRAMATIC MUSICAL INTERLUDE)

GUY: (Narrating) When I was first thrown off the force, it stung. Heck, it still stung, but I hit the ground running like a rabbit out of a fox hole. Sure we had a few bumps in the road, but we got a few odd jobs and people got to talkin’. The more people talked, the busier I got. Yeah, business had been good to us lately. So good I decided to hire an assistant. Inside a week, he was already cocky, overconfident, and running around like he owned the place. Sometimes I’d peg him at 20, then five minutes later it was like he was 12. I liked him immediately.

(SFX: DOOR CHEEKING)

HENRY: Hey, Chief, what we got cookin’ today?

GUY: Henry, how many times do –

HENRY: Yeah, yeah. You ain’t the Chief, but you are my chief so I’m gonna call ya Chief. So what do we have cookin’ already?

GUY: It looks like we’re all caught up with our current cases. Why don’t you head down to the Post Office and check the mail. And be snappy about it.

HENRY: Already ahead of ya, Chief. Here you go.

GUY: Henry, I –

HENRY: Fine, Boss then. You fine with Boss?

GUY: These are already open. You went through our mail already?

HENRY: Yup, sure did. Needed somethin’ to do on my walk back uptown.

GUY: And I suppose you have a case all picked out then?

HENRY: Funny you should ask. Come on and get your coat, Boss, the case ain’t gonna solve itself.

GUY: (Narrating) He was a good kid. His heart was in the right place even if his head often wasn’t. The case the kid had picked out wasn’t the one I would have gone for first. I’d probably have skipped it all together. It just wasn’t my cup of joe. But Henry was excited and I was about to do nothing to dampen that. The letter was one of the fancy flowing kinds where in two pages he had asked us to come see him. I wasn’t too upset. It was a fine afternoon or a drive. When we arrived, Mr. Cooper had tea in porcelain cups waiting for us in his sitting room.

MR. COOPER: Thank you for coming gentlemen. I had assumed my letter would have reached you yesterday. I suppose there is no accounting for the post office.

GUY: This is very nice and all, but let’s get to it.

MR. COOPER: (Chuckling) Ah, a man of action. I suppose I should expect nothing less from the famous Guy Hamilton. Very well. There is going to be a break in at 1042 West Fulton. The target is a child's stuffed bear. A ‘teddy bear’ if you will. I need you to foil this robbery and procure this toy before the perpetrator.

GUY: You seem to be misinformed. I am an investigator, not a thief and it seems you’ve already done the investigating.

MR. COOPER: An astute observation, Mr. Hamilton. I expect nothing less than the youngest detective in the history of Hiawatha County. I also expect him not to turn a blind eye to a crime about to be perpetrated.

GUY: If there is going to be a crime committed, go to the police. That’s how it works.

MR. COOPER: (Chuckling) Yes, but if I report it now, it will be buried in paperwork until tomorrow and handed of in the morning to interdepartmental mail and not reach the correct officer until that night, maybe even the following day. That is how it works, correct? Well, this crime is going to happen tonight. What I would like from you is to go and retrieve this bear.

GUY: Fine. I’ll ask some questions, but I cannot promise anything more.

MR. COOPER: (Chuckling) Why Mr. Hamilton, That is wall I ask and expect. All I ask and expect.

GUY: (Narrating) Mr. Cooper gave us the address and we were on our way. The old man made me feel like a penguin in a hot tub and didn’t want to spend anymore time around his as I had too. When I got to the house in question, it took some talking, but the parents let me hide out in their daughter’s closet. I made Henry wait downstairs with the folks and waited. I was about to give up the ghost when the window creaked open.

GUY: Alright. That is far enough.

THIEF: What? Who are you?

GUY: Guy Hamilton, Private Eye.

THIEF: A set up, huh? Why too back for you, Mack. I come prepared!

(SFX: TWO GUN SHOTS)

GUY: (Narrating) I must have been getting sloppy. I hadn’t expected him to come armed. Lucky for me, I had my large jacket on. He took a shot at my general shape. The bullet had merely grazed me. My jacket wasn’t so lucky. Nevertheless, I kept my own firearm close by. The would be thief wasn’t so lucky.

(SFX: RUNNING UP STAIRS)

HENRY: Boss! What happened?

MRS. WILLIAMS: Mr. Hamilton! What is going up -- (Gasp)

GUY: It’s alright, Mrs. Williams. Sorry about the mess. You had better call the authorities.

MRS. WILLIAMS: I… Yes. Yes, of course. Right away.

GUY: One last thing, before you go…

MRS. WILLIAMS: What is it?

GUY: The bear. May I take a look at it? I want to know what this is all about.

MRS. WILLIAMS: Yes, but of course. I’ll be downstairs.

HENRY: What do you think it is, Boss?

GUY: I don’t know but there’s something in this bear.

(SFX: RIPPING)

HENRY: Gee wiz! Is that an emerald?

GUY: It sure looks that way.

HENRY: Well I can see why he was after this! It is the size of my head!

GUY: (Chuckling) Well, maybe not that big, but it sure is a whooper.

GUY: (Narrating) It didn’t take long for the police to arrive. They tend to hurry when there’s a body waiting for them on the other end. I knew some of the officers. They harassed me pretty good, but in the end, Mrs. Williams corroborated my story of self defense and refused to press any charges. They told me not to leave town incase they had any questions, but I didn’t plan on it. It was time to pay Mr. Cooper a visit and get some answers.

MR. COOPER: Mr. Hamilton. You have returned.

GUY: I sure have and you had better start making sense of this all.

MR. COOPER: Yes, yes. In due time. The bear tell me you brought the bear. (Deep inhale) Ah, it is just as I imagined it.

GUY: Funny, I would have thought you’d want the thing inside. The cops have that now.

MR. COOPER: No, no. This is the real treasure. It still smells of my precious Clara.

HENRY: Clara? Clara Williams?

MR. COOPER: That little girl with her seaside limbs and ardent tongue haunted me ever since –until at last, twenty-four years later, I broke her spell by incarnating her in another.

HENRY: Hey, The Boss said to start making sense.

GUY: Oh, he’s making sense. It was the bear he was after. Come on Henry, we’re done here.

(SFX: CAR STARTING)

GUY: (Narrating) The car ride began in silence. In truth, I was worried about Henry. A case like this, well, it can shake a man; shake him at his core. There was a saying back on the force, gangs before kids. Anything with children in our line of work was always difficult. A man needed time to digest something like this. I just wondered how the kid would take it. I didn’t have to wait long for my answer.

HENRY: Boss…

GUY: Yeah, what is it?

HENRY: That was weird, right? It wasn’t just me, right?

GUY: Yeah, about as weird as snow in July.

HENRY: So what do we do now?

GUY: We head back to the office write up our report like always.

HENRY: No, I mean what’s gonna happen to Mr. Cooper?

GUY: Well, there is not much we can do. He hasn’t broken any laws.

HENRY: So, what? We just let him be free?

GUY: All we can do is let the police now what we found. They’ll watch him. Maybe even set up a sting operation.

HENRY: Sting operation? What’s that?

GUY: It’s where they give him some rope.

HENRY: Rope, Boss?

GUY: Yeah, rope and see if he’ll hang himself.

(SFX: DRAMATIC MUSICAL INTERLUDE)