A Step into the Street
Sample/Hook: Maddy often thought that people who die young have it good. They’re in the prime of their lives, whole futures ahead of them. She would often think about her own funeral and what people would say at the death of a ten-year-old.
“Oh, she was so sweet.”
“She died too young.”
Her favorite was always the thoughts of those who looked to her own future: “She was so smart; she could have grown up to become anything.” Maddy didn’t know how to admit it to anyone, but she enjoyed thinking these thoughts. She even thought about ways she could materialize them. If she just stepped off that curb in front of that car…
She was terribly unhappy. She felt caged. She was stuck in the kind of nightmare where she constantly tried screaming, but nothing came out. Instead, all her thoughts were stuck inside of her. They bubbled and brewed and occasionally spilled over, but even when they did, no one heard what she had to say. No one listens to a ten-year-old, even when they should. Kids are so new and untouched. They haven’t been assimilated into social constructs, like politeness. When they can tell something is wrong, people should listen. When they can tell something is wrong, that means it’s wrong on a primal level. And the people who should have been protecting her and her sister should want to get them as far away from this misery as possible. But what happens when they don’t? What happens when they make them stay? When they would tell Maddy she couldn’t leave, she would think about stepping into the street in front of cars. She would think about her funeral. She would think not about how much the car will hurt, but about how much she wouldn’t have to hurt anymore.
But ultimately, Maddy could never do it. Although maybe it would have served as the proof her mother needed as to just how miserable and dire their situation was, what would five-year-old Kate have done without her? She couldn’t have left her sister to face it all alone. Maddy would often think it was possible that Jimmy would be in their lives forever. It seemed as if he could have done absolutely anything to her and though she might have left for a little while, Carrie would always come back to him.
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The summer that followed Maddy’s eleventh birthday, Carrie planned an elaborate trip to Alaska. She loved to travel, and road-trips were her escape. She could forget all her problems and shortcomings and everything she longed for but couldn’t have when she was on the road with her two daughters in tow. The trip to Alaska marked the longest and most ambitious trip of them all. Carrie mapped out the route on the worn atlas and checked out books from the library on the hot springs you can find just off the road throughout western Canada and the Summer Solstice Festival in Fairbanks. She planned as much as she could, fueling her excitement to escape from her homelife for three weeks.
Of course, part of that plan included Jimmy. He provided the car (a recently purchased minivan – Carrie always said she would never drive a minivan) and served as the driver. He also had the money. Maddy pouted about his role in the trip, as she pouted about his role in their lives, but ultimately she knew her sulking had no power over her mother’s decisions.
The day before their departure, Carrie and Jimmy had a typical blow-out kind of argument. The timing of it meant that he was no longer invited on the big Alaskan road-trip. Maddy was suddenly thrilled to be going on this three-week long vacation with only her mother and little five-year-old Kate. Her friends Aimee, Zoe, and Stephanie came over that evening for a send-off sleepover, and Maddy burst with energy and light. She danced around the living room of their townhouse and stayed up late giggling with her friends. Was she sad to be leaving her friends for three weeks? Of course, but it was a small price to pay to get away from him for three whole weeks. Twenty-one uninterrupted days with her two favorite people. She fell asleep dreaming of all their upcoming adventures, wondering how large a glacier could be and if Alaska’s Mount McKinley looked that different than Colorado’s Pikes Peak.
Maddy and her three friends slowly awoke one by one, rubbing their eyes and adjusting to something that felt different from when they had fallen asleep. What was that sound right outside the door? Maddy propped herself on her elbow to better concentrate. They overheard a conversation. There was a deep voice, punctuated by outbursts with various forms of the word “fuck”. A man’s voice. Jimmy’s voice. Maddy fell onto her back. Her mouth became dry and suddenly there was something in her throat that she couldn’t swallow. She stared at the popcorn ceiling, feeling not surprise, but intense disappointment. Her trip, the trip she’d imagined, was no longer a possibility. Instead, this darkness would accompany them on their journey to the place where the sun never set.
Maddy’s friends looked at her cautiously. They exchanged glances, opening their mouths, daring to be the first to speak and comfort her, then quickly changing their minds. Their parents were married and even though they had overheard arguments over things like leaving the lights on in the basement or last month’s credit card bill, they never sounded like the arguments between Carrie and Jimmy. Their parents fought like chipmunks, gently and lovingly. Carrie and Jimmy fought like lions, violently and catastrophically.
Maddy finally broke the silence. “I can’t believe he’s here. He’s not supposed to be here. They’re fighting and Mom told me he wasn’t coming.”
“Maybe he just came to get something,” Zoe offered.
“Or maybe he wanted to say goodbye,” Aimee chimed in.
It was as if Maddy hadn’t heard either of them speak. They all knew what Jimmy’s presence in the living room meant. There was no way to comfort the blow.
Maddy’s anger bubbled inside her. Her eyebrows caved in toward each other. Her breathing was shallow and quick. Her stomach gurgled and lurched. She couldn’t take it anymore. Finally, she climbed out of bed and reached for the doorknob. She didn’t hesitate before swinging the door open to catch a glimpse of the two of them leaned over the table, eyes concentrated on the route Carrie had drawn in the atlas.
“What is he doing here?” Maddy demanded, the tears in her eyes threatening to fall down her cheeks and diminish her tough-girl act.
“Maddy…” her mother began.
“Listen, Madeline.” Jimmy spoke not with sympathy, but with anger. He had been up most of the night convincing Carrie that they were going to be better, that he was going to be better moving forward. He didn’t need to explain himself to her eleven-year-old daughter. Who did she think she was? He was in charge here. “I was always supposed to come on this trip. Deal with it.”
“But Mom said –” Carrie cut her off.
“Grown-ups fight. You know that. But Jimmy’s right. This is his trip, too, and one fight shouldn’t change whether or not he goes. Everything is fine now. So you need to watch your attitude.”
Maddy stood in front of them, half Jimmy’s height. Everything about him was menacing: his dark and cold eyes, his long beard that came to a point at the end, his sturdy stature, his overbearing stance, his use of frequent curse words, his appreciation of Eminem, his fascination for The Nightmare Before Christmas. Maddy knew she was, again, on the losing end of this argument. The blood drained from her body and pooled in her toes. She couldn’t speak, couldn’t move.
“I can’t take this. I’m bringing the bags to the car,” Jimmy announced as he made his way to the front door.
Finally Maddy allowed a tear to fall. “Mom, why?” she pleaded.
“Maddy, we need him. The Volvo probably wouldn’t be able to make it to Alaska. And then what am I supposed to do? A woman with two kids alone on the side of the highway in the Canadian wilderness? I can’t do this trip by myself.”
“Yes, you can! I’ll help! We don’t need him. We can do this. We can figure it out. We can take extra flashlights and blankets –”
“Maddy, no more. He’s coming. Besides, we talked it out. Everything is better.”
“Sure it is. Just like always I bet.” Maddy regretted her words as soon as they left her mouth.
“Madeline!” Carrie snapped. “Go. Get dressed. Tell your friends it’s time to go.” And Maddy did.
Title: A Step into the Street
Genre: Short story fiction
Word Count: 5,170
Synopsis: An eleven-year old girl navigates a family road trip with her younger sister, her mother, and her mother's abusive husband.
Author Biography: The author is an elementary school teacher in Colorado. She loves to travel and has visited 49 states and countless countries all over the world. When she is home, you can find her in the corner of a coffee shop with a cup of hot chocolate working on her latest writing projects or at home learning to play the ukulele.