Yeah, I fight with my soul... because she’s such a little bitch.

It's annoying, really.

Every time I wake up with my soul browsing on my computer without asking.

She never charges it when she's done either.

She just leaps back into me and goes to sleep while I have to go through the trouble of cleaning up all of her messes.

She gets Cheeto dust all over the keyboard even though she knows how much I hate that.

And don't even get me started on all the times she just leaves me.

Like, how am I supposed to function throughout the day with no soul?

This one time, my friend asked me a philosophy question:

"Let's say you have a button. If you push it, you'll gain a million dollars. However, that same amount of people will die. What do you do with the button?"

No biggie, right?

You just get rid of it and make sure it doesn't fall into the wrong hands.

Well, that's what I would've said if my soul was in me.

But nooo she was out at some séance trying to fuck with people.

So I ended up saying something stupid and concerning and sociopathic like:

"I'd push the button about ten times just to build my wealth. Then, I'd destroy the button so that nobody would be able to link the deaths to me."

Needless to say, we are no longer friends.

The argument that followed with me and my soul was not pretty, to say the least.

God, sometimes I wish I could just strangle her.

Obviously not because any injuries she gains reflect on her physical body, AKA me.

I'm stuck with her for the rest of my life.

Then she'll go crash in some other poor soul's body.

And it's not like I hate her or anything.

I mean, she's my soul.

It's just...

It can be really exhausting, you know?

I just wish I could be normal like everyone else.