She Says An Apology To An Ex Love

She walks up to the podium with her fluffy blue hoodie and a tremble in her hand. “Good morning,” she clears her throat as her voice cracks and she wipes her eyes. “Hello. I was never one for apologies really because I always believed I was never in the wrong. This time around though I feel I was in the wrong maybe because I didn’t explain myself properly. I wasn’t trying to hurt anyone really. Well I knew someone would get hurt and I expected it to be only me. I was talking to a couple of friends and one told me I was being selfish holding on to a guy I loved when I was in love with someone else. She told me that would hurt him a lot more than anything I could ever do to him. I realized that she was right about me being selfish so I decided to let him go. I didn’t let him go for someone else or anything. He wasn’t being replaced. I let him go so he wouldn’t have to deal with my messed up emotions and mind. But I realized that after all the shit I experienced growing up, I got to be selfish that one time. But I can’t be selfish when I gave him up, right?” She looks down at the blank sheet of paper in front of her as more tears litter it’s page. “I want to be selfish again. I want back what’s mine. Because I’ve been wearing this hoodie,” she motions to the one she’s wrapped up in, “and crying since it happened. And it shocked me when I started crying because I haven’t cried for any of my past breakups.” She looks out into the audience at the lone figure sitting there and smiles a sad smile. “My best friend asked me if I just missed you loving me or if I simply just missed you.” She wipes her tears away again and laughs a dead laugh. “I miss you. I love you. I want you back and that’s unfair to you. You shouldn’t have to put up with my bullshit and rollercoaster of emotions. You shouldn’t have to deal with me switching sides and everything I do to you. I love you.” She finishes off and grips onto her paper as she stares at the boy who she hopes was still hers. Her heart drops as he stands and she bows her head in pain. “I’m sorry.”