Talking With Myself

The break room seems much more empty now that World Cup is over.

Meh, ADHD is just ADD in higher definition.

Butterscotch schnapps are like maple syrup shots only harder to spell after taking 3 of them...

Irish movies are depressing. Funny, but depressing. No wonder they drink so much.

Halloween is coming and I live in a city where the ratio of dead to living is roughly 10 to 1 - score!

Please no more 11 hour workdays!

You're taking me to your optometrist to get new glasses together? Wow, love really is blind...

Is it sad that I've got Ponyo on in the background not because I have any interest in watching it but because the soundtrack puts me to sleep?

Great, I finally call home and my brother answers, then tells me how he plans to build a flamethrower using a Zippo, a Super-Soaker, & Bacardi 151.

GOD DAMMIT! Some asshole took our clothes out from the washers and just dumped them in the communal laundry carts when I got there just 5 min after they'd finished and there were TWO fuckin' washers open he could have used instead!!!! WTF?!?!?

Wait, I DO have brownie mix -

*GASP* First issue Amalgam Comics for fifty cents each!!

Just had an awful thought - what if they DON'T lay us off in May??

*cough hack cough* There's a cookie recipe on the back of my saltine cracker box??

You know you're in Michigan when you're driving a car with seat warmers but no emergency/parking break.

Please, oh appliance gods, let my ancient washer/dryer hookups work with the new machines today...I am running out of underwear and the children at the laundromat scare me...

Crap - my plant is still alive and now must be trans-potted. Well, this was amazing while it lasted.

Meatloaf baked into pie = proof that marrying into a French-Canadian family was a smart move.

Driverless cars...because we're so anti social we can't just invest in buses/trains?

Apparently drunk me really likes Pearl Jam.

"Wanna order pizza and build Lego's?" has to be the most romantic date night I've ever had.

Improvisation: Realizing I bought the stir fry veggies without sauce and pouring steak sauce over the whole thing instead.

I have all of the material for the Addled Beer dual blades, yet the blacksmith still doesn't offer to craft them - what gives??

Cheeseburger Tacos: the meal that says "Yeah, I was too white for this, sorry."

Ten minutes of grooming and I still look like a lightning-blasted Hobbit...

Best bar night trivia group name ever overheard: Better Late Than Pregnant

I know I need to lose weight but every so often I feel the long-dead soul of a starving peasant in my heart going, "Yay! Body fat! It's so warm and jiggly! Gods be praised - let's eat more!"

Healthy peanut butter 'n chocolate cereal just tastes like disappointment and adulthood dusted with cocoa.

I think I relate more to DC comic characters because they feel like great people horribly trapped by greedy, idiotic corporate leadership - and I have been there, man.

A beautician could make a killing giving 10 min makeovers in the DMV waiting area. Just a thought.

Sprouts: Cause this salad didn't make me feel enough like a rabbit.

Okay, saw Wonder Woman finally and if I think of it as a fan fiction where Captain America is Thor's female cousin and he makes out with Agent Coulson, it's pretty good.

Blargh, I can't hold wine and my gaming controller at the same time...

It's not sacrilegious to use Challah bread for sloppy joe's if they're vegan, right?

Nothing like a trip to the dentist to remind you that you are a slowly decaying skeleton in a fleshy wrapper with no printed expiration date.

This coffee needs more Irish...

YES! God has finally answered my swears!