The “Mentor”

Alan, 46:

Ping. The unread email icon changes from 58, to 59.

I glance up to see if it’s important. We have our monthly meeting with upper management later this afternoon, and I’ve got so much on my plate to get done before then. Sometimes I feel like I get 2 hours a day to do my job, and 8 hours a day to do everyone else’s job. Busy, busy, all the time.

The email is from a vendor on one of my projects, submitting his proposal for review. I skim the email and his proposal; everything looks good. My assistant manager can send this off to the client. Wait - the vendor is asking if the client wants samples. Does my assistant know how to handle samples? I’ll call her to check while it’s on my mind. I find making quick phone calls throughout the day keeps me from forgetting important tasks.

No answer.

I don’t want to forget about this, and I need more coffee anyway, so I’ll just stop by her office on my way to the breakroom.

My new assistant manager and I have only been working together for a couple of weeks, but I think it will be a great partnership. We compliment each other well - she is very organized and detail oriented, and I am more focused on relationship building and the big picture. She is eager to learn, which is something you don’t see in many young people anymore. Still somewhat inexperienced, but I’ve been doing this job for 20 years, and I love teaching, so I can show her the ropes.

I can see her at her desk - weird that she didn’t answer the phone. Must be accidentally silenced. She greets me with a friendly smile as I knock.

“Good morning, how are you?”

“Hey, I called you a little while ago, I didn’t know if you heard it so I figured I’d just come down and see if you were here.” I don’t want to make her feel bad that she didn’t answer, but maybe she didn’t know her phone was silenced. I don’t want her to miss an important call.

As she starts to apologize, I find my mind wandering to my enormous to-do list. Why does upper management give so much to me, and not to the other managers? Maybe I should take it as a compliment; it must mean they think I can handle it.

She’s finished talking, and I realize I’m not really sure what she said. Oops. “Cool, hey, I just wanted to see if you saw that email from one of our vendors.”

“Yes, I saw it. Like I said, I am working on-”

I really need to get back to my desk, so I interrupt. “Cool, yeah, so I already reviewed it. It looks fine. You can just send it out. Also, on those samples, I would look through the contract to see if it says anything, and if it doesn’t, I would ask the client.”

Her eyes go wide in surprise. Good thing I came down here to check; it doesn’t look like she’s seen this situation before. I don’t want to embarrass her or make her feel stupid, so I continue, “sometimes even though it’s not in the contract, the client will still want to see samples, so it’s always a good idea to double check.”

I see a light bulb go off. “Yes, I’ve had a lot of clients do that on my previous projects. I’ll make a note, thanks for the reminder.”

It appears my advice has jogged her memory of a previous situation. Awesome. I like to think of myself more as a mentor than a boss; I prefer to teach through examples and help people make connections, instead of just telling them what to do.

“Great, thanks” - my monster task list crosses my mind again - “also don’t forget we have our review meeting at 2:30 with upper management. I still need to finish my monthly report for that. I guess I better go finish it up.”

“Yeah, they’ll have your head if it’s not done!” she laughs, “don’t worry about the proposals, I will take care of them.”

I smile and close the door. I think we’re going to work really well together.

Now, on to getting that coffee.

***

Sofia, 27:

The blaring phone ring yanks me from my concentration and brings me firmly back to reality. I’ve taken on a project in another department - the department I hope to transfer to - and I haven’t felt this engaged in my work in months. The phone call is a very unwanted disruption from my flow. I take an exasperated glance at the caller ID.

It’s my current manager. Again. Why is he always calling?

Most young professionals would pick up the phone, but I am trying hard to not be most young professionals. I’ve been at this company for three years now, and I’ve read enough productivity and self-help books to know that this phone call probably falls into the “urgent but not important” category of work; the kinds of things that make you feel busy, but keep you from actually achieving deep, meaningful results. I silence the call, take a deep breath to combat the irritation, and try to get back to the project that will actually advance my career. I suppose I should have silenced my phone when I got to the office this morning.

Not five minutes later, there’s a knock on my door. Never mind that it is closed, and a closed door is typically an implied “do not disturb” sign. Unfortunately, it’s a glass door, so I can’t pretend to not be at home.

To nobody’s surprise, it’s my current manager.

I say “current” because managers (him) and assistant managers (me) get rotated around based on projects. We’ve both been here for several years, but this is our first time actually working together. It’s only been a few weeks, but I can already tell we’re going to have a hard time. At least - I’m going to have a hard time.

Another deep breath, an insincere smile, and I pull the door open. “Good morning, how are you?”

“Hey,” he says, crossing the threshold into my office to lean casually on the filing cabinet. “I called you a little while ago, I didn’t know if you heard it so I figured I’d just come down and see if you were here.”

Of course he did.

How can I tell him I chose not to answer, without actually saying, “I chose not to answer?”

“Oh yeah, sorry-” wait, why am I apologizing? - “I’m working on this really cool project and totally got caught up in it.”

It’s like he doesn’t even hear me.

“Cool, hey, I just wanted to see if you saw that email from one of our vendors.”

Confirmed - urgent but not important. Our vendor submitted his proposal less than half an hour ago, and I need to review it and send it to our client for approval. The vendor asked if he needed to send samples; I read the contract yesterday and didn’t see anything about samples, but I’ll ask the client just in case. This is on my list for after lunch, along with a few other proposals we’ve gotten. Given that we don’t need this product for another 6 weeks, and it’s relatively uncomplicated, it doesn’t seem like this review needs to be done right this second.

“Yes, I saw it. Like I said, I am working on -”

Again, even though we are face to face, I seem to be on mute.

“Cool, yeah, so I already reviewed it. It looks fine. You can just send it out. Also, on those samples, I would check the contract to see if it says anything, and if it doesn’t, I would ask the client.”

I find my mouth has come slightly agape. I quickly close it.

I’ve been in this job for three years. I just came from the team that successfully delivered the largest project our company has ever done. I am a firm believer that there is always more to learn and always ways to improve - but it should be obvious I know how to do the fundamentals of my job. I do not need to be told to check the contract and ask the client about samples. And I definitely do not need to be interrupted twice about it.

He carries on, “sometimes even though it’s not in the contract, the client will still want to see samples, so it’s always a good idea to double check.”

Is there a polite way to say “yeah, I fucking know, what do you think I’ve been doing all this time?”

Instead I settle for a polite-but-firm “yes, I’ve had a lot of clients do that on my previous projects. I’ll make a note, thanks for the reminder.” Shit, why did I thank him? Nothing about this requires my gratitude.

“Great, thanks, also don’t forget we have our review meeting at 2:30 with upper management.”

It’s been on my calendar for a week already.

He continues, to no one in particular. “I still need to finish my monthly report for that. I guess I better go finish it up.”

Since I’m not a manager, I can’t say for certain, but I’m pretty sure the monthly report was due last week. How is he finding time to review my proposals for me, but not finding time for his critical deliverable?

I laugh to ease the tension. Another thing I find myself and other women doing far too often. “Yeah, they’ll have your head if it’s not done! Don’t worry about the proposals, I will take care of them.”

He finally leaves and closes the door. Fifteen minutes have gone by. And for what?

I silence my phone, and return to my project.