the last night

there is an urgency in my corpse.

a drive to heave onto my feet

for some semblance of a goodbye

and yet, it is here i will lie.

motionless, as the car doors snick shut.

their words filter through my window,

and i know my voice should join them

but i can't muster the strength.

is this what sadness does to me?

i could give this deadened body a name

call it a victim or a fool

either way, i lie still as a husk in my room.

she's saying goodbye

the final hugs are being transferred

but i don't think i could stomach that

along with all the hurt.

she lied to me

and i thought she was better.

so for now i'll stay here -

but maybe later, i'll write her a letter.

maybe i'll break my vigil

wish her the very best.

maybe someday i can do that

without feeling an ache in my chest.

for now, she'll go quietly

taking her poison and lies,

along with her joy and smiling eyes.

god, why did she have to die

and walk away like nothing happened?