Why not?

I remember in school we’d hear all these catchy slogans about how drugs are bad.

“Be smart, don’t start”

“Drug free is the way to be”

“Say yes to life and say no to drugs”

What I don’t really remember is an actual detailed explanation about why drugs were bad. What do they actually do? They say drugs kill, but how do they kill? They’d say all sorts of things about cigarettes too. My parents smoked cigarettes and they were fine.

Then you get to high school or college and all your friends are smoking pot and whatever else. You might say no the first time they offer you some, because drugs were bad or whatever. But then maybe the next time you say “what the hell”. You never know until you try. And low and behold you turn out fine.

Being high was weird at first, but then it was kinda fun. Maybe now you feel a little cooler, part of the in crowd. It’s not like you were shooting up heroin. You smoked a little weed, no harm done. Maybe those slogans were bogus anyway. Adults telling you not to break the law.

Then maybe a couple years later you start hanging out with someone new. They have a little something else if you’re down to try. If you want to get together later you can take shrooms together and it’ll be an awesome time. Shrooms aren’t hardcore or anything. It’s going to be a fun experience and you’re going to feel like you are on cloud nine. What the Hell, why not? When are you ever going to be able to do something like this again?

The next day you’re at your friends house and you’re eating these disgusting, moldy looking mushrooms. Twenty minutes go by and you think maybe it’s not going to work, you’re immune or something. Then a bit later it hits you. Colors are the best they’ve ever been. The posters on the wall are swaying, your friends tattoo is dancing on their arm, and you are the funniest person that ever lived. You can’t wait till the next time you can do this again.

Now later on a friend of your friend starts hanging out with the two of you and offers a proposal. They got a few squares of acid if you want to come over Saturday and stay the night. It’ll be fun. But woah acid? That sounds like kinda a big deal. Your friend assured you that it’s just like shrooms. You’ll feel the same, just maybe a little more intense then last time. Maybe just a little. Well that’s true, you have done shrooms and it was the best thing ever. You were waiting for another day like that so why pass it up?

Now your at the apartment of the friend of your friend. Kinda a messy place but that’s no big deal. There’s a huge dog laying in the kitchen, just chilling out. Your sitting on the couch next your friend who hands you a little paper square. All you have to do is hold this square on your tongue for a little while and then swallow it. Easy peasy.

Just like the shrooms it’s taking a while for this to work. But now your starting to feel a little funny. The swirls in the carpet and swirling by themselves. You look at your phone but you can’t really focus on reading your text, the letters keep falling off the words. You’re friend and their other friend are talking and laughing and your feeling a bit uncomfortable in your corner of the couch. Feeling a bit excluded maybe.

You have to use the bathroom, but that huge dog is following you and smelling you aggressively. You don’t know where the bathroom is. The dog lets out a bark and it makes you jump. There is a lot of clutter in the room your in, and it looks like is all gonna fall down on you if you go into the hallway. But you really have to pee. Your friend points to the bathroom door down the hallway and laughs at you.

You’re in the bathroom sitting down already. You instinctively look at your phone again but you still can’t read. How long have you been in the bathroom? They’re probably making fun of you because you’ve been in here forever. How long does this stuff last? How much time has gone by?

You’re sitting on the kitchen floor with the dog. You are starting to feel a little better. The high is coming down. But when did you get to the kitchen? Your friend tells you about how weird you were being all night, and the stuff that you said and did. You can’t remember. But when you feel a little bit better you head home. And you stop talking to your friend.

When you start a new job you become friends with a couple of coworkers. They’re all really funny and cool. Probably too cool for you. They smoke weed like you. Sometimes you’ll hang out after work and smoke. They even asked if you wanted to go to a club with them after work. You work the next morning but you don’t want them to stop inviting you to stuff, so you agree.

You’re at the club with those coworkers and you’re drinking and having fun. They call you outside on the patio. It’s pretty cold out so no one else is around. One of them turns and takes a big sniff off of a house key. They turn and ask if you want a bump, while gently pouring a little bag of white power onto the key again. You take a second to answer but you say sure. You didn’t want to sound lame by saying you’ve never done it before.

It hits way faster then even weed does. Like an instant jolt of energy. You dance with your coworkers back inside, and you feel like you can do anything. You don’t even really feel drunk anymore. You go back to the bar a little while later for a shot and the energy has already diminished. That was fast. Your friends take you back out to the patio 5 more times that night.

The next day you’re late for work. You have a horrible headache, and you feel like you’ve been breathing rocks up your nose. Worse than any allergies you’ve ever experienced for sure. When you get to work your coworkers talk to you about how much fun last night was. It was a lot of fun. The most fun you’ve had in a while, and you must of been up till 3am. Maybe they’ll invite you out next time too.

You go out with them probably once a week or so. And do the same thing each time. Cocaine is like the best drug you’ve had. It makes you feel like you’re on top of the world. So you even ask them who their dealer is. Maybe your nose will get use to it and stop hurting as much.

Every week you still go out with your friends at least once. You have to buy new going out clothes because your old ones fit so loosely now. Staying out so late makes you exhausted in the morning so you start taking a bump before work just to get your day started on a high note. On bad days you snort a line when you get home to make you feel better.

Everyday at work is starting to be a bad day. Maybe if you left a little coke in your car it can help you get through the day. And it does, oh it really does. Where has this been all your life? It’s better then any cup of coffee or energy drink you’ve ever had.

You and one of your coworkers get into a little argument so you’re not talking right now. They have just been getting you so heated lately, maybe some space from them is what you need. Your manager asks if you’re skipping lunch again today? You just haven’t been hungry and honesty you’ve had so much energy and focus you don’t really even need a break.

You weigh yourself and you’re lighter than you’ve ever been. Skipping lunch has really proved to be the best diet plan. Saves money too, which you need when you go back to see your dealer tomorrow. You feel like the two of you have really hit it off. You even start hanging out every week.

Money is starting to get a little tight. You don’t really feel hungry in the morning so you stop buying cereal or other breakfast foods, so that helps a little. You’ve felt really stressed lately from work and your friends have just been hard to deal with lately. But a couple bumps make you feel better throughout the day. It even makes you feel better if you’re feeling nauseous, which has been kinda a lot lately.

You got into a fight with your parents again. All they do is nag you and get on your nerves. You ran out of coke today so you’re feeling bad without a way to fix it. You’re able to scrape up the cash for a little more, maybe your dealer will meet with you tonight. The stuff he gave you last time just doesn’t feel as strong so you’ve been taking more than usual. He said it’s the same stuff though. He’s probably screwing you over by giving you cheaper stuff for the same price. That’s probably why you’ve started getting nose bleeds too. That cheap crap.

It’s so frustrating that everyday you wake up is a bad day. Everyone you talk to has just been getting on your nerves. You hate going to your job each day, all you can think about is when you can finally come home and snort a few lines without the fear of being caught at work.

None of your clothes are fitting again. Nosebleeds have been happening almost everyday. You keep running out of coke, and it makes you feel like you’ve ran out of one of life’s necessities. Kind of like food or water. It’s miserable. You can’t stand talking to your friends or your family. Life is just getting unbearable. You call into work again so you can just lay in bed and take bumps. Maybe you’ll finally have a better day.

While your in bed you have time to think back to all the bad things that have happened to you. The things that have made your life so unfair. What if you just disappeared? What if you just made it all end? You wouldn’t have to suffer anymore. Maybe that’s the answer. What’s actually worth living for?

After an attempted suicide, you find yourself in the emergency room. Your parents are there, and your too embarrassed to look at them. Your so nauseous, but don’t have any coke with you. You throw up into a little trash can while your parents are sitting there watching you with tears in their eyes. Maybe this is what rock bottom feels like.

You finally realize you have a problem, that you don’t think can be fixed. Your parents force you to stay at some inpatient mental hospital for a little while. They give you pills 3 times a day. You continue to throw up the first couple of days but it eventually stops. Maybe one of the other patients were able to smuggle in some coke or weed or something.

Eventually you’re released from the hospital and go home. Your mom stays with you for a couple of days. The two of you don’t talk about what happened. She talks to you very gently like you could break at any moment. Maybe you could.

Eventually you’re in your apartment by yourself again. A month goes by without any drugs. Besides the pills you take everyday. You still have urges to snort up more coke but you don’t call your dealer. You just keep taking your pills each day.

You actually start feeling better. You actually do believe it or not. And you realize that the drugs you were taking were messing with your mind. One drug led to another and then another. You would get angry and upset for no reason. You felt bad about yourself all the time. You weren’t eating or sleeping. You look in the mirror and really see yourself. The dark circles under your eyes and how dangerously skinny you had become. And then it all makes sense. The real reason why people say drugs kill. The reason they say it ruins a persons life. Because it ruined yours. It won’t be easy, but now it’s up to you to pick up the pieces and fix it.