I wish

I wish I was healthy. That I could do things like most people. That my joints weren't deteriorating, that my nerves weren't misfiring. No one sees there's anything wrong with me unless I let them, I'm good at faking it, and keeping a mask on. But I can't do it all the time. I get home and break down. I lower my pain riddled body onto the chair and try to just take some breaths. Some days the pain is so bad and so deep that I just roll around in bed grimacing and groaning. I have no one to wrap their arms around me and hold me and tell me it will pass. It will pass, but only for a while. I am only 29 but have been told by drs that my body is like a 55 yr olds. Am I going to be in a wheelchair by the time im that age? I just wish I was healthy. But it's not something I can ever make go away.