Power of Words

There are words that always stay with you. When I was 21, for the first time in my life, I fell hard for somebody. Unfortunately, though our attraction was powerful, we wanted different things. When he ended things, his last words to me were, "We didn't have a relationship, we only went on a few dates." I eventually moved on, had other, stronger relationships, and have been married 21 years but those words stayed with me through those future meetings. How could I trust myself? How could I mean so little to somebody who meant so much to me?

As a writer, I tried to analyze these feelings years later to gain closure. Unfortunately, I shared my writing with friends who knew me during that time of my life. They were part of the narrative of how I got caught up in these feelings. They took my analysis of their roles during that time period personally and are no longer my friends. My former friends felt that I was visciously attacking them, as one person put it. This person used her words to express every misstep I ever made and to turn my former crowd against me. She hit me where it hurt the most. Now my former crowd, many who were important people in my life, no longer speaks to me. It hurts.

I have started to make new adult friendships through my coworkers, neighbors, etc. In these new relationships, I feel I cannot fully express myself. I do not want to alienate these people with the power of my words. I am trying to move on from how my words wounded others I care about and how in turn, I got hurt by the words of others. But I am treading very cautiously and watching what I say in my interactions.