The Job

I’m on a beach. The warm Florida sun kissing my skin. My girlfriend cuddled next to me. My son screaming with joy at the seagulls nearby. My son. The most perfect fluffy cloud passes overhead, dimming the light and turning it to a soft glow, like the inside of an airplane. Please, God, no. My throat closes. The sky begins to hum, the earth rocking gently like a cradle. I try to focus on my boy, his eyes, his silly fat legs, running towards me as fast as they can. He is scared. He needs me, I won’t leave him. I can’t! My eyes open. Jeffrey and the girls are chortling next to me. They’ve turned on the cabin lights. I’ve lost him.

I lift my head slowly. I don’t bother to try to dry the shameful wetness in my eyes. There is no reason to. Jeffery has his hand on the new one’s thigh. Even if he was accustomed to looking at me, he would not register anything of note to him. I used to like that about him, his genuine don’t-give-a-shit nature. My own personality dialed up to an 11, right where I wished it could be. After so long together, I see him differently now. The lines on his face are illuminated under the unforgiving overhead brightness, each with its own deep craig yawning beneath. I know every single one. They had crinkled like a jolly dirty Santa when we’d first met. He’d winked at me. Protecting him came with an Island of perks. He knew I’d like that. Now I turn away. I’m sick of looking at him. I can’t look at the girls either, that’s so much worse. Bubble-gum pink lips and baby giggles. I want to throw up. Too little too late.

I can’t look away forever. That’s the point of all of this. My punishment for shame learned too slowly. I have a job to do. I clear my throat “Jeffery”. Jeffery looks up at me with annoyance. I plough on: “your lawyer has urgent information to discuss before the plane lands, can you come with me please?” Jeffrey rolls his eyes. For two agonizing seconds, I am terrified he will waste my time arguing. He does that sometimes. Today I am lucky. He hands his champaign to the blonde girl. She is an old hand-speaking with great relativity. He trusts her at least not to spill any.

Jeffrey and I make our unsteady way a few feet over to the other side of the plane. I dive right in. That’s the way to do it. “Jeffrey, you don’t have much time. As soon as this plane lands, agents are waiting to arrest you. You have to tell them everything-I mean everything." My fear has made me breathless; I inhale and that is my undoing. He is on me “fuck you” he hisses, his rage only slightly tempered by surprise “you incalculable moron, you are a dead man”. This plane is too small for a private conversation. Both the girls are staring openly. I will my voice to regain the command it used to have, “Jeffrey Epstein LISTEN to me”. He has moved quickly away and is on the phone now. Eyes hard. He is beyond my reach. I’m done. I have failed. Again. The airplane hum grows louder. “JEFFREY” I scream “PLEASE” I lunge towards him. He dodges me and shoves the body of one of the girls at me in one swift motion. I see her terrified young face, helpless and so small. It falls towards me and dissolves into a flock of impossibly white seagulls.

I’m on a beach. The warm Florida sun kissing my skin…