Ms. Shennanigans

So...I'm in Mexico, I think. I got so hung over last night with my friends, then everything went black, and now I'm...behind bars?

What exactly did I do? Don't ask me.

I've been going through a nasty divorce back in California. My husband of forty years (Yes, forty years!!) just cheated on me. The nerve.

Now, I'm out here in jail doing God knows what. I had to go to Mexico to get my head on straight and get away from that fool and I think I'm still in the country. Jesus, I hope I'm still in the country.

"Ms. Shennanigans?"

"Yes."

"Lisa's just bailed you out."

Thank God for Lisa.

I think.

She's an angel...

I sit here behind bars for a few minutes longer, before she marches in, puts her hands on her hips, whips her blonde hair intimidatingly, saying, "Ms. Shanninagans. You should have known not to sleep with the bartender! He also owns a strip club down the street and his dad is a police officer so, of course, that man catches everyone who's drinking too much, puts them behind bars for a grueling 36 hours, and makes a big fat paycheck off of it. I can't believe you!"

I roll my eyes.

"I know. I know. It's just that, ever since Ted divorced me-"

She tapped me on the shoulder and looked at me like I was a student who was misbehaving.

"Stop with Ted! Shut up about Ted! We're here because you wanted to get away from that snake, okayyy!"

I nodded a lot very fast and my heart skipped a beat.

Was this me? Was I acting this crazy? Jesus Christ...I used to be a lawyer and a mother. Do you know how much skill and organization it takes to pull that off. Not anymore. Ted had to stomp all over my soul....That piece of shit.

"Okay, pull yourself together Julie, pull yourself together."

I am literally going to kill my mother for marrying a guy with the last name Shenninagansand my father for having the last name, Shenninagans.

I'm so glad I'm out of jail now. I'm going to have some more margharitas. Not too many, don't worry. Just enough to take the edge off.