Nightfall
Melancholy?
Restlessness?
Feeling like waiting for something amazing or terrible to happen but it is too far out there. Beyond my comprehension. Tickling the edges of my mind. Something. Somewhere. Some answer out there I just can’t find.
I can’t wrap my brain around who or what or when that’s keeping me in such a state of emotional chaos. I meditate, walk, wait, pray. No answer.
I wish the sky would just open up and the answer to whatever it is my soul is searching for would be clear.
I listen. I hear distant rumbles of thunder and the constant low hum of the neighbors ac unit pumping away. No voice. No answer.
The clouds roll by in a grand show. A mix of deep gray clouds that hint at rain and a brilliant pink and orange sky that frame the puffy white clouds, almost animating them. They swim across each other like two oceans flowing across one another in an everlasting battle that neither will win.
But no big sign in the sky saying “do this” or “search here” or “the answer is this ...”
I don’t know the exact word to describe this feeling. Not happy, not sad, not indifferent. Maybe expectant? But not with a sense of hope or despair. Just expectant. It tortures me, this inability to comprehend or describe this emotion.
The sun has ended it’s descent. The night is pitch black save the twinkling of neighbors porch lights. The air is fresh with the promise of autumn weather. The answer won’t be found today . . .
Title: Nightfall
Genre: Women's Literature
Age Range: Mid-life
Good Fit: Good fit for gen x women who are now mid life and wondering why they are where they are in life at this point.
Synopsis: Now that the independent, sarcastic, rebellious, gen x "superwoman" who could be whatever she wanted has lived half her life . . , what's next? and what the heck happened to bring her to where she is now.
I am a 49 year old wife (married 29 years, husband is a very patient man!) and mom of two adult children. One who is an engineer and one in college for theatre and writing. I live in Houston, TX (I must hate myself to live here, lol! Not the prettiest place.) Literature major, but ended up running my own small businesses. Covid helped end the most recent business, so now taking a beat to figure out what's next. Dealing with first bouts of depression in my life. Crazy, loving, funny, sarcastic and an amazing cook!