“Are There Dragons in Hell?”

“Hey, Satan?”

“Yes?”

“Are there dragons in Hell?”

“Yes.”

“Are there pirates in Hell?”

“Yes.”

“Is Napoleon in Hell?”

“Um, I don’t-“

“Is Peter the Great in Hell?”

“Um, I don’t-“

“Ooh, what about Al Capone, or ‘Machine-Gun Kelly?’”

“Yes. No. I don’t know!”

“Is it warm in Hell, because I cannot stand the cold for too long?”

“What, yes, very warm.”

“Good.”

“What?”

“Is the lava in hell like in ‘Minecraft,’ where you can pick it up with a bucket and move it somewhere else?”

“Wa- I don’t know? Why do you care?”

“Are there skeletons in Hell?”

“Yes.”

“Can we cook food over the fires of Hell, or do we have to pay for that?”

“Wa- What? What, no, you can’t-“

“Will I have to read works by James Joyce in Hell, because I really don’t like his writing that much.”

“If you don’t like it, you have to do it.”

“So what if I don’t like to drink tea, then can I have as much tea as I want?”

“Um, technically, if you genuinely-“

“Or ice cream, if I don’t like ice cream, could I have as much as I want?”

“I don’t think you under-“

“Are there dragons in hell?”

“You already asked that.”

“Well, are there?”

“Yes.”

“Sweet, I’m in!”