legacy tried to sculpt Nicky
perhaps it’s true, you’ll always live in someone
else’s shadow; that’s why they tell you as their
gaze shapes you into your father’s legacy your
mother birthed you into. even if it’s not, this
is how you grew up:
it started young, back when you took medicine
like shots, due to your youthful injuries; yes,
back then it wasn’t so bad to be the center of
your father’s world, following into his footsteps
then was a blessing, there was no controlling,
simply; innocent loving. then it grew to be a
necessity, that your soul was predestined to
obey the legacy; you must play, it’s your
purpose; even if you don’t want to just try it
out, for your father honey; ’cause even though
they say they love you, it somehow ends up
about them. soon, you realize that even though
it’s not okay you’re failing AP chemistry, got a C
on that exam you studied for all thanksgiving
break (in between practices of course), it’s still
more okay than the team losing a game ’cause
it’s all your fault (should’ve played better boy;
what happened out there; i didn’t raise you to
play like that; how does losing feel? you better
learn from it). next game comes and they’re
telling you it’s all on you, it’s all on you, you gotta
play football Nicky, we’re counting on you; it’s
almost as if they forgot what happened last time
they didn’t listen to your face say, hey, i need a
break. suddenly the whole crowd hears it, your
father’s yelling GET YOUR TAIL OUT THERE, play for
the team-PLAY FOR ME.
and it finally, fully, breaks you; the legacy comes
falling down in the form of tears as you scream back
(as your father recalls it: with “audacity”) the pain
you’ve been enduring for years; I DON’T WANT TO PLAY
FOOTBALL. because even when you use to love
something, you can still grow to hate it; it’s a pity,
really, you could’ve fulfilled the legacy easily (as your
mother says lovingly, it’s in your blood honey), if only
they hadn’t painted your dreams for you first.
but Nicky, it’ll be okay; i promise, even if
your daddy’s mad at you & your mommy
doesn’t know what to do (her two boys are
fighting, can’t you see it hurts her too? why
can’t one of you just talk to the other already,
throw in a few “sorry”s and try again? just
try again already.) i know it hurts, Nicky,
but please listen to me, it’ll be okay; because
i still love you.
---footnotes---
legacy called himself an artist and sculpted your destiny; it only took eighteen years of conformity smoothing the sides of resistance’s edges for your to voice out who you wanted to be; don’t worry Nicky, i’ll hold you when everyone leaves you (even if they pretend to stay with you, i’ll be the only one with my arms around you). tell me, why is it so bad he wanted a happily ever after different from his dad?