10/02: Vast

A/N: Bayubeni chaiya - The Xaranian equivalent of “boba tea.”

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So, I ... didn’t get rid of this notebook after all.

Before you say anything, it’s not that I’m scared or anything and I can tell Ery if I feel unsafe about all of this at any time. Bah, who am I kidding? No one’s going to read this, which is why I’m writing in this notebook here anyways.

Basically, I had another weird moment. I know Vesuvia like the back of my hair, and I know where things are --mostly. Sometimes, I get a little bit lost, but really I do know places well, and the one place I know a bit too well is The Rowdy Raven. It’s not as fancy and high-class as it could be--and if Noddy would let me do the renovations to Vesuvia, I can bet you it would be--but the bartender makes a good brew that even Az can meet me up for sometimes.

Right, I guess I should make who I am more clear--even if I don’t think anyone’s gonna read this. I’m Count Lucio, the count of my home and country, Vesuvia. I am the Count, still am, even though I died at some point, hence me having experience in the supernatural area. I was revived though, by my boyfriend ... who I accidentally burned at one point ... Ery.

About the whole “me burning Ery” thing; that, uh ... so when I said I made a deal with The Wyrm of Pestilence, and The Devil--I may have spread a plague, a Red Plague, throughout Vesuvia and it almost killed the entire world. I, um, had a habit of making deals to benefit me and trying to scam the party I made a deal with. Yeah, maybe making a deal with an Arcana and a Wyrm with the power to bring illness to people for my conquest for power wasn’t smart, but my memory of the whole events is foggy. Everyone’s is; Ery’s, Az’s, the brute, Noddy, Jules, Portie ... no one can remember the precise events during the time that plague I brought was infecting everyone.

For me, I just remember being bedridden, screaming for Jules to help me and make sure no one else saw me in my shameful, pathetic state and then things get fuzzy. I remember the fire, though, and the smell ... you never forget a smell like that ... right. So, I was heading to the Rowdy Raven to get myself a little something -- I wanted to make this alcoholic bayubeni chaiya, because why not -- and then I step inside. The Rowdy Raven really isn’t that big of a place, but the moment I walked into that room that weird feeling I’d been feeling all day yesterday since my weird dream struck me again.

I was maybe a bit glad it wasn’t the feeling that everything suddenly was twisted in front of me and I couldn’t trust what was “real,” but that isn’t to say it didn’t get me all nervous just suddenly feeling like I stepped into one of those portals that you find in the Arcana realm. It was disorienting and trippy because I see the confined space of the bar, the people occupying it, the chairs, the walls that are supposed to indicate something is “contained,” yet it wasn’t.

All I could tell is that the closer I came to the “walls” surrounding the bar, the more the sense of fear grew inside me. The feeling felt very familiar to me, maybe it was something buried inside of me from the time The Red Plague was taking over everything. It was almost as if the wall would move further and further away, with each step I took towards it.

That was probably the point of it, the reason the wall would never actually end is ’cause it’s not supposed to. It’s just an infinite space meant to ... contain me, yet not contain me. The more I walk down, the more lost I feel and if I’m lost then I’m easy to be snatched by whatever is making it do that. I’m guessing ... it’s like walking inside the open mouth of an alligator, and the moment you’re deep inside the jaws will snap shut and it’ll swallow you whole.

I quickly back-tracked and just took a moment to breathe even if I was in public around these other people. I was already feeling disoriented and paranoid about yesterday and this wasn’t helping me at all. I didn’t like that the one, comfortable, compact place that I liked had now been transformed into an illusion hiding something that was likely wanting to get me. See, the other eerie thing I felt the whole time was that I swear that the people would look at me the closer I came to the wall and kept trying to follow it.

I don’t mean people looking at me like I’m crazy, I mean looking at me as if they wanted me to keep going. Like they were part of whatever was going on and wanted me to go down into that portal and just let whatever waited for me get to me. I grabbed the brew I wanted, and the bartender with what looked like--for just a moment--a disappointed, disgruntled expression gave me the small keg and sent me off on my way.

I headed back home, kind of walking slowly as I looked around the town squares, markets, and gardens I passed through to the magic shop. The places I thought were small, comfortable, and not that big had me wondering if I was wrong to think about it. Ery was always one to tell me that just because something isn’t big doesn’t mean I should ignore it and now as I stare at the streets of Vesuvia everything now seems bigger than me even if it is just ’cause of some stupid spirit messing with my head.

What’s always weirded me out about the portals in the Arcane Realm, of every part of the Arcane Realm, was how you always feel watched even if you are in a giant, endless space. It’s like walking into an empty room and feeling a ghost staring at you, waiting for you to make a move or debating if it’s going to make its move on you. Maybe that’s how everyone felt when I pulled a few pranks on them ... I wonder if this creature is teaching me a lesson? But why do I need a lesson, especially this kind of lesson? I’ve already done everything for the past oopsies; I said sorry to Az for getting his parents banished to the Arcane Realm, and the others and I’ve been doing better about being less selfish and listening to people.

Why am I being tormented over this? It can’t be someone just being mad at me for being a bit of a pranking ghost for laughs, right? That’d be ridiculous, it’s just so petty and I’ve done so much worse than to warrant something like this. I really ... don’t tell Ery, but last night’s really been messing with me. I don’t like being in my head too much and having it messed even more with twisting my senses and then doing it again with the places I feel safe in; I’m begging you.

As I write more in this notebook, I think I’m processing maybe, just maybe, how much bigger the thing responsible for messing with me is. I know, for sure, that to it I’m just a loud, noisy speck that gives you good entertainment and Ery is the speck that comes to me. Whatever you are, I really am sorry okay? Please leave me alone, I’m ... I’m getting too old to have mental magic battles and running away. I won’t tell Ery, okay? Don’t get him involved, please. He’s everything to me and he doesn’t deserve this; just focus on me but don’t hurt him.

Please don’t hurt him.