Narrator’s Note

Call me Manisha Koirala. That’s not me and it is definitely not my name, but a girl can dream. Open up Google, type in “Manish Koirala”, and then click on Google images. She’s cute, right? Okay now close your eyes. Just pretend that I’m this below-average, dollar-store, could-be-Koirala if you squinted and were a mildly racist person and add the voice of a 20-something, neutral Indian-American. And call me Manisha. Or, if you feel a personal connection to me, I give you permission to call me “Misha”.

This is the story of how internalized white gaze and an inferiority complex made me fall in love with an astronaut boy. Astronaut boy, like young Matthew McCounaughey in Interstellar astronaut boy. I wish this was as funny of a story as my incredibly comedic timing but, being completely honest, it’s just kind of dumb– much like my comedic content. Love can be dumb and time-consuming and problematic as hell, but I would not change it for the world. To wax (and wane) romantically for a moment, go to your favorite streaming service and type in “When the Day Met the Night” by Panic! At the Disco. Listen to it while wrapped up in a blanket, staring out a window, imagining yourself in an indie music video. Get lost in the idea of being in love. Revisit this song when you read Chapter 2 because, trust me, music makes everything make sense. Every song fits a story, an image, a feeling, explaining my life better than my own words. As such, certain chapters will come with a song recommendation and there will most definitely be an appendix. Read my footnotes. They are hella necessary.

Now I’ll warn you this story ends pretty disappointingly. I really, really, really thought about how I wanted to finish this story. Logically, telling the truth makes the most sense. Be a reliable narrator, you know? But then I thought about Atonement. I’m not gonna spoil it for you, but bitch, I realized how easy it would be to make my story funnier, happier, cuter- better. But, unfortunately, I can’t. It just wouldn’t be right because this isn’t the story about how “the guy gets the girl” or how “I found out I was actually fucking amazing”. This is just the story of how Manisha fell hard and learned a whole lot about life in the process by being a good friend, a bad friend, and everything in between. It is what it is (and for my personal gratification, please say “it is what it is” out loud once you finish this line).