Glorious English (A Script)

Li Jing: "So have you ever taught the children before?"

Ben Loach: "No I haven't, but I used to be a child myself."

LJ: "Great! That's almost the same. And how about your Chinese? Did you learn any before you came?"

BL: "Oh... just a few words, I didn't realise I would need it!"

LJ: "Hehe, it's fine. You'll seldom need it. Can you say something to me in Chinese?"

BL: "uhhh 你好，我叫Ben, 炒饭有吗？"

LJ: "Wow! It's so good!" [Walks over to the door] "天天啊！过来，来听新的外教讲中文！"

Liu Mengtian: [enters] "hello Ben, can you speak the Chinese?"

BL: "你好，我叫Ben, 炒饭有吗？"

LMT: "Wow it's so good! Maybe you won't need an assistant in your class."

BL: "Oh no no! It's really not very good, that's all I know."

LJ: "I think it's very good."

...

In a classroom down the hall, a broad and portly man enters.

Class: "Good morning, Mr. Lowe!"

Tommy Lowe: "Still Mr. Lowe, huh? Why can't I be Mr. High!"

Class: [stares at Tommy]

TL: "Can everyone remember the hello song?"

Class: "YEEEEESSSSS"

Everyone:

"Say hello to me,

Say hello to you,

Say hello to the tiger,

And the monkey at the zoo!"

TL: [dances like a monkey]

Class: [raucous laughter]

Everyone:

"Say hello to grandma,

Say hello to me,

Say hello to grandpa,

With his dodgy knee!"

TL: [walks like an old man]

Class: [Round of applause]

Everyone:

"Say hello to your friends,

Say hello to them,

Say goodbye to bad guys

Because they're not your friends!"

TL: [Scowls and shakes fist at the door]

Class: [Giggles and copies Tommy]