1|21|18 ~ 1:17 am

My life, right now...is easy to explain, but maybe not as easy to understand

I think only the people who share this feeling I have can truly be triggered by my explanation

To my knowledge, there aren't many of us...but for those who are interested, I'd like to map it out for you

If you find yourself lost, just remember, that's life

Life...is a condition, a state, if you will

And the state I'm in has an endless road with no street lights. My vision is clear, the surrounding ambiguity makes sure of that. The edge of my world is where the light can no longer reach. The headlights of course. On this dark road, in the middle of nowhere...or at least, somewhere I may or may not know, but can't distinguish. I can't know, because I can't see. And when you can't see, it's a lot easier to get lost. So I must focus on what's in front of me. The hood of my car...which carries the engine, the heart of my drive. And the propulsion of light, extended from the power of the heart. Well, the engine. Although this sight requires a substantial amount of working parts coming together, it only serves as a miniscule portion of what is to come...here, driving down this road. But I must continue to monitor my view. Abandoning my gaze will allow me to become ignorant to the possibility of something being in my way. And I can't afford to put my advandcement at risk. There is nothing surrounding me anyway, nothing worth stopping for, nothing I can see enough of. Just the contrast of the light ahead of me. It never becomes any less than it was. My eyes are never given the time to adjust because the distance I gain is of the highest importance. And it all comes back to this feeling. There is an exit ahead...the dilemma I'm presented with is knowing only that. Or, feeling only that. Because I don't even know. If this exists, I don't know where it is. I don't know when its coming, I don't even know which side of the road it will be on. There is just an undeniable feeling, telling me that I have to keep going. But not knowing when I arrive at this exit complicates things a bit. I'm never sure when I should speed up, to make better time of reaching it. Or when I should slow down, so I won't miss it. All I know is that I have to make it. I need to get off at this exit. The next path my life will take can only be through this exit. There's nothing else. Everything is depending on this. I've brought myself to this point with only one destination. One single option. I filled up on gas & headed straight for it, not even knowing if I'll have enough to make it. That is where I am, that is where I'm going. And that is all I'm doing...going. Holding nothing back, this feeling won't let me. At this point, it isn't something I continue to chose anymore. It's just what I have to do, its what this feeling calls for. But I guess the anchoring affect this feeling has on me, is reassuring me that I will make it. This is still just that feeling commanding my thoughts, but it's convinced me. I've embodied this feeling & now I act as it's captain. I will take this feeling & I will make it a reality. I will make sure that it comes through for me in the end. I have to. I have no other option. This feeling has become my life...my life has become this feeling.

...I have a feeling my life will appreciate it later...down the road