38 Things I Learned when I was 38

1. A lie is sometimes easier to believe than the truth.

2. When the terrible things that have turned you into a victim cause your voice to tremble and hands to shake....attempting to explain yourself is futile.

3. The scariest lie is one that the liar has convinced himself is true.

4. Some men consider it their duty to deliver punishment when they feel betrayed.

5. Blood is NOT thicker than water.

6. When someone asks how you're doing, they usually don't care. "Fine" is the answer most people are looking for.

7. A pat on the shoulder and the condescending promise to "pray for you" is a polite way of saying "Wow, you've really lost it."

8. Pretty blue eyes that sparkle so enticingly can easily hide true intentions, until you don't know if you're moving up, down or spinning in circles.

9. Promises whispered at 3 in the morning are easily broken in the bright light of day.

10. Words screamed in anger are usually more truthful than words that have been carefully considered.

11. People will sometimes hold grudges like a drowning person holds a life preserver.

12. Keeping silent to spare the feelings of a child will most likely backfire.

13. Children can be hurt with the truth, but will be more damaged by the attempt to keep it from them.

14. If you remain silent, and do not defend yourself against malicious rumors, people will inevitably draw their own conclusions.

15. If 1 party loudly denounces the other, people tend to believe the party yelling loudest.

16. Silence is seen as guilt, and used as justification by gossiping bitches who enjoy stirring drama.

17. People will rarely give the benefit of the doubt when a lie is so much more titillating.

18. A person with no conscience can ruin lives without remorse.

19. A person who uses insults and violence against someone they claim to love doesn't really understand what love is at all.

20. Being human means we all fuck up sometimes. There is not a person alive who can claim to be perfect.

21. Everyone of us is broken in some fashion, adulthood cannot be achieved without scars.

22. When your significant other hurts you in the same way your parents hurt each other...it feels right, as if the stars have aligned to create for you a perfect and miserable home.

23. Pain makes it real.

24. The rejection of a child cuts deeper than any romantic loss, or unexpected death ever could.

25. Mothers are held to a much higher standard than fathers.

26. Hurting myself is the only way to silence the demons that hide under my bones.

27. I'm terrified those demons live also in my son.

28. No amount of liquor can make me forget how I became this way.

29. I can smoke, snort, swallow or inject every drug I get my hands on, but still, I will ache for my boy.

30. I can bring a different man to my bed every night, but still, I will be empty and unfulfilled.

31. Most friends will give up on you once you've given up on yourself.

32. A person who uses a child as a weapon against the other parent is the human embodiment of evil.

33. A manipulated child is destined to become a really fucked up adult.

34. The abused are terrified to see the cycle repeated with their children as victims. It's 100 times worse when the children continue as the abusers.

35. Begging for forgiveness will have ZERO impact a stubborn child whose been systematically poisoned against you.

36. Expecting a new love to save you from your own life is not only unfair, but completely ridiculous.

37. A woman without her child desperately longs for someone who will accept all of the maternal attention that she needs to give. She will allow herself be taken advantage of just to feel needed again.

38. There are mind-fucks that cannot be untangled, bones that will mend crookedly, and wounds that will bleed and bleed but never heal. Learning to live with these makes you a fucking warrior.